[BrightFuture]

Gwen, you are right, watching MLC is not funny, until you look at it from outside and after you detach enough.

LiveNow, same here, I feel like I need to know what’s going on. Especially since he is normally far away and there is not much contact. And the fact that I’m still legally married to H feels kind of weird. I kind of went along with his opinion that marriage is just piece of paper. But, more I think about it, more I feel like there are still some obligations, even just legal once. He thinks he is a free man, but he is not. He is still tied to me in so many different ways. I don’t think that a decent woman (if he meets one) is going to like this state of affairs.

Am I detached? IDK. It certainly feels like I’m getting there. The only sad part is that I tend to also erase the good memories when I detach. It happened with my first xh. The only things I remember are the negatives. They don’t affect me in any way, it is just I’m so convinced that he was not good for me at all and we didn’t have any happy moments to even remember. I knew this about myself. It could explain why I’ve been trying to hold on to a hope with H, because if I give up, everything good will be gone.

Job, I don’t think that I’m creating more pain by looking at the FB. I’m just still so fre@king surprised. What I see now makes me think that I was delusional during almost 17 years, and H has been always this way, I wearing pink colored glasses...

Now I know for sure that he is on the trip with the group of his drunk buddies. And he is posting happy pictures to the world. Maybe he is happy after all and this the life he wanted all along. I can’t say that we never had trips like this. We had lots of trips across the country and internationally. I guess I was just not a good drinking companion with vulgar manners and dirty mouse. Oh well, I don’t think I want to be one.

I always said that my H was kind of a mild MLCer, and very slow. Quite often I even doubted that he is in MLC. I think he is just picking up the steam. Bracelet, facebook, postings and stupid comments... Maybe it’s been like that for a while, I’m just learning about it now.