KGirl - letting the past go

[KGirl]

OK. I have a confession about something I did this morning. When I was in a state of sorrow and confusion I emailed H. I guess I don't really care anymore because I'm not trying to save the M. I just want some answers. So I emailed him essentially saying the following: I will submit the financial disclosure this week, I just need to double check it. Honestly, I still don't know why exactly this happened, and it's hard for me to have closure and move on without having some information. You said this was all about you, but also said this was about things I did (like making you feel guilty about proving innocent). Which is it? Is it you, is it me, is it some combination of both? It's hard for me to know what to fix or watch for in the future without knowing what lead to this, besides not staying with someone who breaks up with me multiple times and who doesn't suggest getting married on their own.

Yeah, I know, not DBing. Maybe I shouldn't be here anymore. I don't know. I just want information at this point, or for him to tell me the truth. Although part of me feels like I'll never get it anyway. I guess I just want to hear what his final word is. I haven't gotten a response yet. But then I went out with a friend tonight who I've known for awhile who said "K, I'd be the first to tell you if you were being unreasonably suspicious or untrustworthy of anyone you date in the future. But I know with STBX, from what you have told me, your reasons for being suspicious and untrustworthy of him were totally unfounded. You are a GREAT catch and he is going to have a hard time finding something better." H*ll, I talked to some ladies across the hall at work today who I hardly ever even talk to and they even said, "this is totally about you and not about him."

So rppfl, I kind of chuckle at your "and it's him..." but at the same time, maybe that really is all it is?? But I still feel the need to own up to whatever my part is in this, and just laying it on him means I don't have a part.

More sighing..