So I am divorced.

[mahhhty]

I've been a little down and out lately. My lower back has been acting up and all this snow has been keeping me inside. I need to get out do some yoga and go skiing (need skis and boats first though).

She is constantly on my mind. Our nightly talks with the kids are more friendly and she is keeping me in the loop with their activities when I am not around, sending me pictures and what not. I appreciate that.

Saturday, I cleaned out the closet (we have a walk in), which was 60% filled with her clothes that she left behind. I put them in bags and need to get them out. It was tough and I had been putting it off for a long time. It seemed that she didn't clean her side of the closet once since moving in (2010). This seemed ironic to me. A metaphor for all of her clutter that she hasn't dealt with perhaps.

Furthermore, I found stuff from our wedding. The homework we received from the person who married us. The writeup of all the speeches. The homework assignment was intriguing. We had to write 10 qualities about ourselves and 10 qualities about each other. My 10th quality about myself was that I have a short temper, her's was that she is passive aggressive. Sounds fairly accurate. The speeches were overall lovely and thoughtful. One piece that got me, was that her father stated that two people must continue to fall in and out of love throughout there lives together. That spoke to me, as she has professed that she is not in love with me.

It's unfortunate that a LBS just wants to make an impact (what action will get the biggest bang for your buck), but that it doesn't work like that. I need to continue to make consistent changes and live by Sandi's rules. And change the notion that turning my life around isn't about getting her back, but it is about me. I know this is true, I know my life has already improved in all areas. However, my motivation for this change is the hope that somehow she finds the way home, and not me.