Glad the interview went well. Even if it is not the job you want, it will be a confidence boost to be offered.
You only have to enforce your boundary OD, that you will not pay for W to see OM. That W must carry that cost herself.
W may need a car of her own, her car her cost. You have IC tomorrow so a good quality discussion will really assist you in putting your thoughts together.
I remembered a site for teenagers which had a session on boundaries on it, so please excuse the simplicity but I rather liked it. It refers to castles moats and soldiers but the idea I liked the best was the minimum effective boundary enforcement idea. The concept that boundaries need to be kept monitored. There are some very good resources on boundaries. This one is for young adults.
My observations on your interaction. When describing your boundary there is no need to explain. If the boundary is reasonable to you then just keep to the statement of it and you need no extraneous wording. No need to be drawn into a discussion on your boundary.
You want to be away for her birthday, so that is a desire so you can protect yourself and go GAL. I trust lots of GAL if there is a carnival.
Your boundary may be: W I feel very hurt when you disappear on key dates like family birthdays and I want a family event on those dates and I have decided that I will not babysit on key dates so that you can persue an affair.
Another boundary might be: It is against my principles to lie to our children and when you visit OM and the children ask about you then I will answer their questions honestly.
Another boundary: I feel capable of purchasing shoes for my children and in future I will do so. If I require advice from you then I will ask.
No doubt you can discover your boundary for yourself with IC help. What is reasonable to me may be unreasonable to you etc. you will have your own voice OD.
If w is very good at putting things in order etc and you are apprehensive about it then just defer until you have your thoughts in order. It is perfectly ok to do so.
If you are getting upset then it is a sure sign that a boundary is being breached and you may not know what it is. You could try googling reverse babble or mirror back as techniques for dealing with discussions when the other party wants to rationalise their behaviour to make the unreasonable seem reasonable. But OD the important thing is that OD is looking after OD. You will be glad you did.
Thinking of you for tomorrow IC.
Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 02/10/1512:08 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
