Oh, Susana! (3)

[susana4]

Just after BD he told me he was jealous because I was so self-aware (ironic because BD made me question everything I thought I knew about myself and my life), and he "knows nothing about himself." He said he doesn't know his feelings or opinions on ANY topic. I find that mind boggling! And also sad.

I've heard that before as well. H has told me several times he was envious of me and how I handled things. That I was, "so self assured, and didn't take anyone's [censored] and wanted to be more like me." The irony of it all -- those are now things that he "hates" about me.

I sometimes wonder if what attracts you in the first place is what ends up causing problems later. H tells me he was attracted to me because I was passionate - now he says I had too many strong opinions. But on the flip side, I always loved how laidback H is. Never imagined it would bite me in the a$$ like it has.

So I totally get what his journey is. And I hope he makes it to a place where he knows himself better. But it does really suck.

I would caution you about "getting what the journey is" - because often as you go down this path -- you'll discover that the journey is not at all what you think it may be. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't -- but I've learned that the moment you think you have it nailed down, it blows up in your face. Again.

Not to be a debbie downer -- just trying to provide some advice. :-)

Stay positive and keep up with the AD's. They helped a lot during the first of my sitch.

Thanks, I appreciate the advice and insight from someone in a similar sitch! I meant that I think I know what journey he intends to go on - one of finding out who he is. Whether he'll make it, or how that journey will unfold, I have no idea. And my own journey? No effing clue. Trying now to let go of my need to control, and ride it out. This is so hard.

Thanks, good to know the ADs helped you!