I sense that you are off center lately. To aid in getting back to your center, here are some thoughts to consider.
-How about getting back to daily affirmations?
-How about taking care of yourself health-wise such as regularly scheduling the gym? I think your S12 is old enough to join and that would be a bonding time for you two.
-How about picking a volunteering activity for 1x/2x a month?
-How about joining a Church/spiritual site?
-How about picking up a new hobby? Building model airplanes? Something to expand your horizons.
Now...let's review this DBing thing once again.
As you report here, your emotions are still up and down when interacting with W and boundary enforcement challenges.
Here's a plan of action:
-Be Clint Eastwood cool when communicating with W. No more swinging back and forth from cold (jerk) to hot (reactive).
-Be cordial and respectful when interacting with W
-Be concise and to the topic when exchanging texts
-Implement 24-72 hour rule when you sense anger/frustration bubbling up to the surface and STAY THE HELL away from your smartphone if W is pushing your buttons
-Be fearless when making requests and enforcing them. Nip them in the bud when W breaches them (i.e. changing the schedule without informing/discussing with you beforehand)
-Be pleasant and upbeat when you do interact in person with W
-Make time for yourself...you DO matter. You might want to find a good, reliable and mature babysitter.
Most importantly of all, be real gentle with yourself and don't beat yourself up too much. A beat up HP isn't any good as a father or a self-assured man.
