It's a MYTH that MWD has a hard-and-fast rule against snooping. On p. 226 of Divorce Remedy, she even recommends a spouse using a keylogger on their spouse's computer if they suspect them of internet infidelity.
The basic rule is that you're not supposed to snoop and then KEEP ON snooping, as it only messes with your detachment and keeps you focused on your wayward spouse instead of on your own improvements. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it if it's used to:
- confirm compliance with a mutually-agreed upon no-contact agreement;
- confirm initially the presence of an affair;
- monitor any financial risk to the family;
- monitor any HEALTH risk to the betrayed spouse, if that spouse has chosen to continue to ML with a spouse who is either known to be, or suspected to be, in a PA;
- monitor any risk to the child(ren)
Those are just a few examples. But if one is truly at an "ultimatum" point such as you are (and I know that technically it's not a true ultimatum, you're not telling her "do this or else" you're only telling her what YOU will abide any longer), then I think it makes perfectly wise sense to know what you're up against . . . especially if she's lied to you (repeatedly) before.
