Sorry to hear you had a rough day. Makes me scared about starting AD but it'll get better I hope. Something you have to get through. Going through those feelings a second time stinks, but maybe you know better how to deal with it.
Don't take my experiences as what would necessarily happen. I am very sensitive to medication so I expected going in any side effects I had would be pretty bad. I don't know if it's like that with everyone, but I was told there's a transitional period. I still think it's worth chatting to your doctor about.
Re: the job, I think you should look for something that would make you happy. It doesn't sound like you want to go back to playing poker, so what do you want to do?
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Anyone with experience of going on antidepressants - what was it like for you? How long did it take to 'kick in'?
My doctor said it could take 2-3 weeks of feeling worse before I feel better. I'm definitely feeling worse. In fact, I feel like I did just after BD, I can't stop crying or leave the house. I'm really sensitive to medicine so I expected a pretty strong reaction.
How long can I expect it to last? I keep telling myself it will be a few weeks and then I'll feel better but it's hard.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Just feeling really discouraged and down atm, the ADs are doing my head in. In the last few days it feels like all the progress I made's been undone.
Keep questioning things, which I know isn't healthy (why has he done this? what about X, Y or Z? how could I have no clue? was it all a lie?)
And I keep panicking about impending S. Once my visa comes through (not sure when that will be, sometime in the next 1-3 months) we will give up our rental. And I think that will be it.
I feel like I've been given this gift of time, and I want to make the most of it. But I have no hope after we move out of here, I don't think we'll speak/see each other (no kids).
And lastly, I'm just frustrated at not being detached. I don't know how to detach (not sure if it's something I can learn) but damnit I want to! H is away for the week and I want to a) use this time well and b) not be bothered that he's gone (I miss him, and I feel guilty about that).
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Susana, You're still early in this process, and everything you are feeling is very common and to be expected. It's a cheeseless tunnel to try to figure out why he's made his choices. Instead, focus on making your life better for yourself without him. If you don't see him again after separation, it will be a blessing because then he won't be able to mess with your head. I know you don't feel that way right now, and the thought of not seeing him again is painful, but it truly is a blessing to have him be completely out of your life. You will get to a better place with your emotions. Trust that you will.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
susana, ADs do take a while to get fully into your system. Expect that to happen, as you mentioned earlier. You'll reach a point where you feel more at ease and have some "space" in your mind to think more clearly about things.
Focus on you for now. Take the opportunity to really do more of the soul searching you've already done. I can tell you from my recent experience that not being under the same house as my WAW has taken tremendous pressure off of me. Granted, I do still hurt, but it's not an in my face because she's there hurt.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Thanks Ahoy and Squiggy. Just keep trying to remind myself this is to be expected and I need to allow the ADs time to have an effect... It would be really nice to have some space in my mind.
The good thing about this is that I'm glad H is away when I started on the ADs because I don't want him to see me like this, and it would be really hard to fake an upbeat attitude.
Not sure where the line is between soul searching and bashing myself repeatedly over the head with the same questions. :P
I'm just feeling guilty today, and sad. Sad and sorry I had no idea I was hurting H or that he was suffering, when that was the last thing I wanted to do. Sorry I was blind to it.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Oh like me you have 1-3 months before greencard renewal. I thought it really is the gift of time too but believe me it won't make much of a difference in your sitch. Either way it's a much longer process of making a personal change for good and become the best Susana. did you talk with him about dropping your rental and S for real? It is a big step, but the much bigger step is to file for D. Did he mention D yet? Do you guys even talk about a separated future?
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Oh like me you have 1-3 months before greencard renewal. I thought it really is the gift of time too but believe me it won't make much of a difference in your sitch. Either way it's a much longer process of making a personal change for good and become the best Susana. did you talk with him about dropping your rental and S for real? It is a big step, but the much bigger step is to file for D. Did he mention D yet? Do you guys even talk about a separated future?
It's a little weird in my situation, my visa is tied to my job, which I've been trying to leave for awhile (and which led to my anxiety & depression), I'm trying to join a new company but it needs to go through. The government here in the UK is quite vague about how long these things will take to go through.
Back at beginning of Jan, H had not spoken about S or what to do with the rental but it was weighing on my mind as our rental agreement was coming up for renewal (but landlord said we can stay without having to renew for a year), so I told him I wanted to stay here until I had an answer on my visa. He thought for a couple of weeks, then he said he understood and he agreed, but "once the visa comes through we will have to leave".
He said at BD and in the weeks following he wants a divorce, but I have no idea where he is on that or S since our chat at the beginning of Jan about the rental, because we don't have R talks EVER. I have been a good DBer since I started and I have never started a talk. But he hates conflict, so nor has he... He doesn't even make allusions. He just doesn't talk about the future, period.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
But he hates conflict, so nor has he... He doesn't even make allusions. He just doesn't talk about the future, period.