Not when she's still with someone else, no. Unless and until she is willing to re-commit 100% to the marriage, unfortunately all you can do is GAL and move on down the path. As you know from posting on here and reading the book, Step #1 is DETACHMENT, and unfortunately you're not even THERE yet. Each time you start to get there, the convos she has with you and the way you go "melty man" on her just messes with your progress, in my view.
I'd advise you to re-read Sandi's 37 Rules, and start with the VERY BASICS. Like "no R talks!" and maybe one or two others.
Look, I am by nature a fixer/pleaser/classic "Mr. Nice Guy" melty man myself. And it just KILLED me that I could NOT turn to my wife to soothe me during our sitch. Much of that was solved by the daily intel I was getting (trust me, you really don't WANT to turn to your wife for sympathy when you just read an "ILY" text she sent to her OM, or heard am MP3 recording of them having sex in his truck ... ugggh!), but even then I'd be lying if I said I didn't want her.
