W still having PA with OP

[NickiT]

Right now, she's having her cake and eating it too. There are no consequences to her actions with OW. Does she have a job or are you the sole provider? If she doesn't have a job, now would be a good time to talk to her about getting one for a potential separation as you are not comfortable with living in an open marriage and funding her affair in any way. As for the detach, 180, GAL, bit after the suggestion you start doing things the OP does better, I believe that is to make YOU feel better and build your confidence no matter how things go with your wife. Set up some boundaries, if you don't she will never make a decision one way or the other. She is probably seeing herself as "in control" because she knows you aren't going anywhere whether or not she ends her affair. This doesn't motivate her to action. And chances are good the OW doesn't want something more than what she already has with your wife if this isn't her first time being involved with a married woman. People like that will say whatever they feel they need to in order to get what they want from someone, the moment it seems like it may get "more serious" they vanish.