W still having PA with OP

[4mendmj]

Thanks Starsky! When I found out 9/14 by reading her phone, I confonter her about it and I told her she needed to chose and she chose our marriage and said she left the OW. Unfortunately a few days later my W had an accident and learned she would require major surgery for an unknown pre-existing condition. As soon as the accident happened, my W went back to the OW. Surgery was in 11/14 and I W continued to lie stating she had left OW but actions stated otherwise. I finally snooped again in Dec. and learned it was still going on and told both sets of parents and then informed W that I did not want a divorce but that more than that, I no longer wanted to be lied to and told her I knew she was still having a PA. She said enough to "convince" me she was still considering the marriage that I backed off. FIL came out a few weeks later and confronter W about PA and at that time, wife asked for time to heal from surgery and get healthy and be able to make a decision on her own instead of being forced into one. I accepted and backed off and since then (for the last 5 weeks) have been watching W go out 5-7 days a week with OW but have not started DBing from the advice I read here before finally getting the book in the mail.

No diss on the book at all, but there seems to be perhaps even more info here then there is within the book although I will continue to read and use both tools to help me.

I have finally started feeling better about myself thanks to the thought process around DBing and GAL but I am very confused on whether I just keep doing the things I am doing and "wait" in hopes my W ends the affair and returns to the marriage or if I push the issue. I have everything paperwork wise ready to file for divorce but I have not done so. W knows I have met with a lawyer but I don't think she knows how far I have gone in that process other than she assumes I have not yet filed. To be clear...I do not want to get divorced. The person my wife was before the affair had many incredible qualities and with marriage counseling and continuing to DB and build her up if she would leave the OW, I believe we could have the best relationship we have ever had within our M. But... I don't know at this stage what the right path is and I absolutely hate that I am living in a marriage where my W spends 90% of her free time with the OW and not my W's own child or me.

W has abandoned all of her "old" friends that do not or would not support the PA all to spend that time with the OW.