I am moving over here as I have more specific questions in regards to affairs and this group seems to have more experience unfortunately in that department.
I got my hands on DR Sunday morning and have over 100 pages in my brain in the last 24 hours.
Big question....on page 216ish (infidelity chapter) and in that area it takes two different stances. It asks me to ask myself what is it about the OP that makes your spouse feel so good and then do it better yourself. But then on the next page it says it is time to detach and GAL, pull away, 180 etc.. Not trying to be stupid but I don't know which way to go. Advise? I have been trying to be less available but the only way I could beat out the OW is to be a rockstar of support and fun. There is zero responsibility with my W and the OW. My W leaves our D with me 5-7 days a week whether it be during days off work or evenings/at night and they go and run and have fun and eat out etc. I met with a lawyer and my lawyer tells me I have an 80-90% chance of sole custody of our D if we divorce due to child abandonment. I know my W loves our daughter but this group understands how fog/blind the cheater becomes in a PA and my W doesn't even see it how bad it has become.
W was not helpful in our home at all for the last 5+ years, no cleaning, little help with D, spent way too much money on clothing and out to eat and I eventually started nagging and belittling and the OW is a rockstar at building my W up. My W is now the 3rd OW where the person was married and potentially depressed and not doing great in their marriages and I have always thought the OW is a predator trying to find a weak person to prey on. But how can I build up my W if I am supposed to detach and 180 and GAL etc?
I did a great job of having a blast with D this weekend. W still lives in the home but never did investigate much of what we were doing this weekend. That's ok, we had fun no matter what! W has been sleeping in another room for the last 3 weeks and apparently took a nap on our bed Sunday instead of on her own but I did not go running in there to comfort or cuddle as I didn't want to look desparate. I have known about the PA since 9/14 but I certainly failed at getting them apart with the nagging and trying to force them apart but since the PA is still going on (it was an EA for the first 9 months) I don't know how hard of a stance to take now that I have backed off and quit talking about the OW and started just living a good life again.
Me:39 W:33 Married 6/07 D6 Found out about affair 9/14
