Masterpiece...

[Jer2911]

Has been a long 24 hours... Will skip the details about dealing with a sick child and an ER visit yesterday (but W displayed some marvelous detachment and stupid behavior with regard to that -- and I countered with being really nice and helpful to her even though she didn't do that for me when I need it yesterday. #beingtheadult )

Didn't want to say anything here before I did this, because I know many people here would say I was putting pressure on my W. And I agree -- it is pressure in her mind -- but what I had to do this morning, I just had to do in order to stress to her the importance of my need for more honesty if we are going to move forward with separation in a healthy way (or as healthy as possible). This was also done at the request of her therapist -- long story about how he and I are communicating about her through a third party -- but he knows she lying to him and he can't help her unless she is honest with him.

This morning, after I dropped the kids off at school, I approached my barely awake W with a request to talk -- or at least have her listen to me. She agreed, but kept her arm over her eyes and never looked at me. I was very calm and started by telling her that I love her and our family and I want us to move forward in as healthy a way as possible... And that part of that for me is honesty. I told her that I love her, that I don't hate her, and that I now realize that I can forgive her -- have forgiven her -- for everything. I could tell she was putting up her walls as I continued. I then said that I know that her recent trip was not just a silent retreat -- that it was much more than that. She nodded her head yes in agreement. I said "Thanks, for at least being honest about that now... I'm sorry you felt that you had to lie to me about it." She then said "I didn't want you to get the wrong idea about why I was going over there." To which I replied "I can't imagine why else you would be going there..." And she replied "Well, that's not why I went..." I just said "Okay..." but what thinking "BS!"

Then I restated my need for more honesty and said "I know that you and OW are more than just friends." She gave the weirdest nod to that -- never opened her eyes and never spoke -- it was like she couldn't admit it but also couldn't deny it... almost like if she did speak she would have said "Well, think what you want to think..." It was really strange.

Then I just said thanks for listening to me, I need to go get ready for some meetings that I have this morning, and walked off. She remained on the sofa for about another hour while I went in my office to work.

Yes, I realize that she'll be in super monster mode after this, but things were already so bad around here and I know it's not going to get better for a long, looooooong time.

Hopefully something will happen soon with the job sitch and I'll be able to get away from her and let her be alone in her own misery and fantasy life with OW.