Raliced - No. 5

[Ahoy]

"Was he just trying to be the man he thought I wanted and he couldn't take it anymore?"

raliced -- this resonated with me. I think, in retrospect, that my H never had a strong sense of self, which is reflected in the fact that he doesn't have close friends (good friends keep us accountable to ourselves and hold up a mirror to us). To me, it feels like he is trying on a whole new personality, with new facial hair and wardrobe to match.

On the one hand, I guess it's good that he's finally trying to figure out who he really is. (It's just too bad that that person is a total selfish jerk.) On the other hand, he overlapped the end of our marriage with an OW and is trying to be a different person for her. So do I think he is honestly "finding" himself? No. Also, he doesn't tell any of his "friends" from work about his girlfriend, even though he talks to our daughter about her a lot. So once again, he can't face who his actions reveal him to really be.

Your H sounds similar. He is trying on a new personality. Best to let that go. I'm glad at least that the OW has similar house rules to yours. I struggle with the fact that my H's OW will be a presence in my D14s life, and that my D14 doesn't seem to mind this new development.

Georgiabelle -- I'm in the same place you are. For the next person I date, I will be running a background check and credit score. And then I'll realize that, even if they seem great, that people can change. Maybe being at peace with the idea of change is what we should work on the most. No matter how much we protect our hearts, change happens. But we shouldn't deny ourselves fun and pleasure, for as long as it lasts. Beginnings and endings are natural processes. I struggle with this too, but it's something I am trying to absorb.