Susana (2) - Learning to detach

[susana4]

Just feeling really discouraged and down atm, the ADs are doing my head in. In the last few days it feels like all the progress I made's been undone.

Keep questioning things, which I know isn't healthy (why has he done this? what about X, Y or Z? how could I have no clue? was it all a lie?)

And I keep panicking about impending S. Once my visa comes through (not sure when that will be, sometime in the next 1-3 months) we will give up our rental. And I think that will be it.

I feel like I've been given this gift of time, and I want to make the most of it. But I have no hope after we move out of here, I don't think we'll speak/see each other (no kids).

And lastly, I'm just frustrated at not being detached. I don't know how to detach (not sure if it's something I can learn) but damnit I want to! H is away for the week and I want to a) use this time well and b) not be bothered that he's gone (I miss him, and I feel guilty about that).