Barrybran - A Year On

[Barrybran]

It's already been three weeks since my last post. Gee, time flies. I'm on uni break, my kids are back at school and my wife was in town this weekend for D4's first day at school. Everything has been going well aside from my work hours resembling a yoyo; my house is clean, my kids and I are getting along great and getting them back into a school routine has been quite easy. This weekend posed a few threats but I navigated them really well.

My wife stayed with other family on Saturday so I didn't see her until she arrived at my place with my kids and nieces at lunch time on Sunday. She was in a huff so I greeted the kids and carried on with what I was doing. She was quite rude when she spoke to me so I briefly answered any questions she had and went back to what I was doing.

Later in the day, my wife and kids came home for a bit but I was asleep as I had started work 6am both Saturday and Sunday. D3 popped in to playfully say hello but left again so I went back to sleep. When I woke, they were gone again. Fast forward to dinner time and I checked in with my wife who said they were having dinner elsewhere and would be back later. Having the kids out on a school night is not something I'm comfortable with as it upsets their routine but I let it slide and did some things around home.

W and kids come back later, baths and bedtimes are sorted and my wife asked about things I had placed in piles in the spare room. I said I had sorted some things out and that her things were in one section and joint things were in another section. She berated me for going through her things and I stayed calm, stated that I was sorting through the house and tried to pile her things as best as possible in one place. She continued to berate me and I closed the conversation and left. I understand where she is coming from but when I move, I'm the only one here to sort and pack things so I feel I've done nothing wrong. Once the kids were in bed, I retired to my room for the night rather than hanging around the living areas.

This morning was the big day; day one of D4's schooling life. She was so excited to be going to big school. My wife organised uniforms and lunches, I arranged breakfasts and everything was running smoothly. My wife and I still hadn't communicated properly since she'd been home but we kept out of each other's way and the morning went well. Come drop off time, we went to school as a family and since the kindergarten class started later, we accompanied my son to his class.

My wife asked if she could take our son to class as I got to do it all the time. I was caught off guard but kept calm and stated that I was going that way too as I had things for S7's class, including a substantial sum of money I wanted to make sure got to his teacher. My wife didn't say anything after that and we all walked with S7 to his class where, thankfully, I was able to hand over S7's school money in person! One relieved, short-for-cash Dad here!

Once the bell sounded, S7 went to class and the rest of us went to the kindergarten area. W spent time with our daughters while I sat in the shade before D3 came to play over near me. As much as W had been rude to me so far this weekend, this was her time and I left her to it. As the teachers were collecting the kids for class, we gave D4 hugs, saw her off and my wife dropped me back home before heading out with D3.

It was a good day at home. Clean house, too hot for yard work, and my wife had confirmed she wasn't pursuing a job in (yet) another town so I spent my morning relaxing, reading up on my next lot of uni units and looking for jobs/houses in W's town. W came home later in the morning and spent the next hour on the phone to government agencies due to stuff ups concerning our kids and her financial situation (mine was correct). When she got off the phone, she made comments such as "if things become an issue, I'll just take the kids with me." I listened and validated, didn't buy into her comments and reminded her that we would be in her town soon. I know I'm not her favourite person right now and I have some issues not being the biological father of my two eldest children but statements like "I'll just take the kids" don't sit well with me. I've told my wife repeatedly that the more help I get, the faster things move and the less help I get, the slower things move. I've also told her that I will not just hand the kids over as that transfers her problems to me rather than solving the problem of both of us being able to spend time with the kids.

My wife left shortly after the phone call so I retreated to my room to play video games and stayed there even when my wife came back. Come the end of the school day, we picked up the kids, W suggested buying ice creams and taking them home and she spent a final hour with them before leaving. This turned out to be the hardest part.

D4 immediately broke down and tears welled in W's eyes. D3 was stoic and S7 was good until he went to pull away from W and broke down himself. From there, W, S7 and D4 cried, D3 joined in shortly after and my wife had to pull herself away just to get into the car. I remained calm, tried to comfort the kids the best I could and managed to get outside before I started to feel it. With my wife in the car crying and all three kids clung to me bawling, I started to well up myself. W left and I went back inside to cuddle the kids while watching TV until it got too hot to be pinned down by them. They were fine after a short period and things got back to normal.

These are the parts that worry me most. The potential crazy ideas my wife may have; the reminders that I really don't have the money to pull this move off but it's best for the kids; the likely 'don't care about your problems as long as the kids are with me' attitude of my wife both now and especially when I move. I can only control my own finances, which I'm trying to do, but I am already screwed, have put away enough to enjoy the trip across the country for my brother's wedding (just over two weeks away and in four weeks time, it's a memory... finally), and file enough away to afford advance rent and bond on a new house. I can't afford any financial surprises and if the move is delayed beyond Easter, I'm sure my wife's opinion of me will continue to decline even though I shouldered the bulk of our financial burdens in the past 12 months and lack the income to rectify it.

I'm at a position now where I just don't trust my wife and that affects my move. I would like to find a nicer home for the kids and myself but that requires a job or some support from my wife. Neither of those things are guaranteed so I'm looking at roughing it for a while, working on finding a job and powering through uni while looking after the kids. The biggest hurdle at the moment is finding a place I can have my dog as pet-friendly properties aren't widely advertised here.

I'm sure everything will fall into place but there is a lot of uncertainty over the next two months. On the bright side, I have managed my finances well enough recently that I can afford to enjoy my holiday without guilt (can't go stupid but I don't have to stress about an ice cream here or an activity there). I'm really looking forward to seeing my family and seeing what has changed in my home cities. Two weeks on Wednesday; can't wait.