Old dog seeks new trick 8

[Old Dog]

Me - I said I had plans this weekend so I won’t be back. I realise it’s your birthday and it’s unfortunate but it’s something I want to do.
WAW - I wish you had told me this before.
Me - Well I’m telling you now.
WAW - I was planning on going to London to see a friend.
Me - I’m sorry, I didn’t knowthat. Perhaps you can arrange it for the week after.

Then she decided to escalate.

WAW - It’s also unfortunate what happened yesterday when I asked you about dropping you off at your mum’s and then picking you up again and you said no. Although I enjoy the time on my own I was left without the car. I never do that to you. After you came back yesterday, S12 came up to ask me why I didn’t go. And I didn’t have an answer for him and it breeds anxiety.

I have never left you without the car. The day before I asked if you had any plans to use the car and you said yes you wanted to go to the shops to look for shoes. I wanted to use the car (to go and see OM) but said I would go later.

I was a bit annoyed that she came too: I didn’t enjoy going at all and I didn’t get what I wanted. And I did have plans although I didn’t voice them a the time nor this time, but I’d spoken to S12 about perhaps going to the cinema or bowling.

Me - Oh that’s rich, you do do it. Uh oh bad DBing. You often don’t tell me you’re going out until the last minute. The other week when you stayed out overnight, I didn’t know about that until you were walking out the door.

Then she got all defensive and angry advancing towards me.

WAW - I did tell you, we were here in the kitchen when I told you. I said I was going to the theatre and as it was in xxxx city, I wouldn’t be back.
Me - I’m not talking literally about last minute Although she has done this as well. But I didn’t know until that day Maybe an hour or two’s notice.
WAW - Well I was away at the awards ceremony … Which I took a day off for so she could go … and I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. She hardly ever phones anyone except her mum. It’s always text. She doesn’t want to speak to people. I’ve mentioned this to her before. Why don’t you call? You can have a two minute phone conversation instead of a 10 minute text exchange. She said she doesn’t want to speak to them.
WAW - It’s difficult because I know how much it hurts you.

Me - What have you told the kids about seeing him?
WAW - They know I go to see him. We explained our situation to them back in October, they know what’s happening. They know I go to see OM occasionally.

I still contend they do not, or didn’t, know the full extent. Now I have told them she is seeing OM and I’m not happy about it, it makes me upset.

I also broached the financial bit which I said I wasn’t going to do just yet but … oh well.

Me - I won’t be paying so much into the joint account.
Me - If you go to see him, I don’t want you pay out of the joint account. I notice you paid for a train ticket out of the joint account when you stayed out overnight the other week.
WAW - (Looking confused) I wouldn’t do that.
Me - I wasn’t checking up on you, I just wanted to see what our outgoings were and I noticed it. If you use the car I want you to pay for your own petrol.

WAW - I have to go to work now but clearly we need to discuss this properly.

Throughout all this I maintained eye contact, kept calm, even when she clearly got angry with me but not much validation I now realise. She obviously feels she is being reasonable and fair about it.

Just booked my counselling session/life coaching for tomorrow. I briefly explained the situation and what I want out of it. And then cried after I got off the phone.

What do you think of the colour coding? Cool eh? :-)