Hopeless in NYC

[eclipse]

Been a few days since my last post (~3 years in LBS time), might be a good time to jot down some notes.

Things have been progressing at a snail's pace. W took a weekend trip out of town with our mutual best friend (I shall refer to her as "Ace"). We had a brief conversation about taxes when I went to pick up our daughter, and toward the end she mentioned that after we get that out of the way, we'll eventually have to get to the "other paperwork." Oh, and she let a big one rip while I was waiting around. Awkward, but we had a laugh about it and honestly, I felt emotionally relieved. Oddly enough, she texted and called several times during her trip to ask about our daughter even though we've already spent this much time away since the whole mess began and there was no such inquiry back then. Improvement? Who knows.

Meanwhile, I've developed other problems. Spending so much time with Ace during this crisis has resulted in some very inappropriate redirection of feelings, and now I'm seeing her as more than a best friend. Couldn't have happened at a worse time, and my therapist is telling me to pursue (that can't possibly be healthy advice). I've also been called out for poor job performance, which I suppose is understandable given that I haven't done much except blankly stare at the monitor for the last 4 months. I'm going to start applying elsewhere just in case.

Attempting to keep busy...practicing on the keyboard, trying new recipes, working on my fashion sense (compulsive shopping much?), started calligraphy and sketching again after many years. It's not enough though, still not enough. I want to move out, but the money issue is unresolved and I feel trapped. I am adrift.