M,you do a lot of mind reading and that doesn't serve you well. The truth is that you cannot possibly know what he or she is thinking or feeling. Yet you constantly write as if you know. And that is part of what sends you spinning.
Give up trying to figure it out. Stop trying to guess what is happening over there. You have no idea.
While you may not make the choices he has, he has a right to make them because he isn't married to you.
Let him go, M. The sooner you do, the sooner you get to peace.
