uR... You are right. I'm off . I feel better. It was a dysfunctional conversation, at best. I am glad I got to hear, something from him vs the shadiness. And he is just such a mess, he makes me feel better about myself. It's sad.
It's hard to see him doing this. He thought getting into bed with her last year would make him feel better. And it made his life a much bigger disaster. And to try to do that again looking for answers is.... I don't know the word.
He just kept saying he doesn't know why and he doesn't know what it is about her. He always said that before, but now really doesn't understand it. Like he's in a trance.
Not something I wanna watch. So, at least I've heard it from the horses mouth. Still not gonna be easy to see him there- whenever he.... Whatev. But- I am moving on. And I actually feel much better about it right now. I can see myself being happier much quicker after tonight.maybe "quicker" isn't the best choice of words. But I don't feel so stuck.
I know- and this is key- there is nothing at all that I can say or do. So. I'm gonna do me. I think, because I'm so thick headed, that I felt I needed to not just step away so easily. I mean- I did last time and it turned out horribly. And bc I have seen him take this route before... And it turned out horribly.
My kids are stronger. This will hurt them, but their expectations of him are not very high right now.
D13 still talks about moving. She wants to move to California-- the other side of the country. I told her tonight I don't want to live in Cali (no oftense.. Earthquakes in Alaska freaked me out) so she asked if we could move out of the country!
She finally told me tonight that she wants to move to get away from all that. She said, "come on, mom. S17 is graduating soon, so you and I can go. Just the two of us." So sad!
And he doesn't see it. Maybe never will. But sees it with his new daughter. Wtf!
Mlc & newborns are not a good combo. Like mixing sewage with cinnamon and drinking at the finish line of a marathon.
