How To Be A Man Only A Fool Would Leave Take #2

[HPoirot]

Hello Karma, T-mom, Vanilla, LITB, and Wonka. First, I want to say how thankful I am for this board. I was so devastated when I got here... I had not idea what to do or what was happening in my world. W had control of everything and I was flapping in the wind. Without all of you here... W may have been here living in the condo still leaving to spend nights with her "girlfriend" with me still scrambling to please her back into our M. I owe all of you here so much.

Right now I'm peaceful here in the condo with my boy. We did nothing today but relax. His running around laughing and joking. I'm in a good way too.

W has apparently got back from her trip to the West Coast and was calling S12. He was in the shower so he didn't answer. She just texted me saying she can't reach him and asking if everything's all right. This after not trying to reach him last night or the night before. I ignore her text. S12 eventually answered his phone but said he'd call her back. Then he did not. I let it go.

Wonka... short answer is yes I've been frustrated and feeling powerless. Yes my desire to file D is me wanting to stay ahead of W. The main thing I want is primary or sole custody. I want to leave this city summer after next. I can see how I'm a WAH this way. Whatever I can do to get away from W. That is my motivation. It's not loving but it is authentic.

I keep in mind all that you and 25 and others say about being loving and empathetic. I have not forgotten my neglect of my M or my not meeting W's emotional needs. I do want to save my M. To be a man a fool would leave.

When Starsky and other say I should be much farther along... that's in all the things you said...

1) I'm not doing much GALing, if any
2) I'm too invested in how and what W says...reacting instead of taking charge of my own emotions
3) I'm not detached

I'm not giving up on these things. I'm getting better at #2 & #3. Yes I still must do #1.

I'm rushing b/c I'm tired and it's past time to sleep. I just wanted to say think you Wonka and everyone else sticking with me and sharing such wonderful advice and 2x4s.

I agree that my filing D is the path of least resistance and I would just be another WAH that way. Sometimes I don't care to give her space and time to step up. I'm not at all happy with her right now. Not very hopeful that an R with her would be what I want. Maybe I'm starting to like this life not knowing or hearing about her. Not having to answer to her or care what she thinks of me.

That's where I am right now. I'll post more later and catch up on other sitches.

But, like LITB says, I'm letting my desire to file a fault D sit with me for a while. Just find out the information and see how things go with financials with W.

I would love to have a loving M with W and S12 and for all of us to get what we want. I know, though, that I have to really let go of that want to ever get there. I'm just weighing options with your help. Thank you again.