My waking nightmare

[Lorelai]

Thanks SS, Squiggy, Karma, Vapo and all who stop by. Your advice is very helpful to me right now. I am trying to detach. H is out of town for work this weekend so that helps. Today my MIL offered to watch the kids at her house while I went out and got caught up on work (still not quite caught up). It was nice of her to have them though. I definitely needed a break. This is all very, very hard but it helps to know I'm not alone and that this such a caring, supportive place.

[Lorelai]

Random thought while reading an article about Superbowl ads--if only MWD could have a Superbowl ad telling WAHs to come home and work on their marriages! My H would definitely see that! Goofy thought, I know. But it makes me smile.

Kids and I are planning our own SB party today with just us. We even have organic chips and guacamole for something semi-healthy. Made an executive decision this morning to hire someone to come and plow the driveway as it looks like it's going to be too big of a job, plus I need to work while my youngest naps today and S4 does quiet time in his room, which is when would normally go out and shovel.

[Lorelai]

Good morning, DBers! Up with my morning coffee getting some work done before the kiddos wake. Had a teeny-tiny, minuscule accomplishment yesterday. One of the things that's made H angry throughout the S is that every time we're discussing an issue that comes up with the kids, I bring up that the S is probably affecting them. So yesterday I kept my GIGANTIC mouth shut while he talked about S4's eating habits and how he hasn't been eating when he goes to Grandma's and how he needs to eat more real food. I do know that he likes "family dinners" with all of us around the table, and H promised when he started bomb dropping that if we ever S he would be here for dinner, but I didn't bring any of that up. The only thing I said, and this probably wasn't validating, was "you're right, I bought some stuff while I was at the store today to make a bigger dinner tomorrow night that I'm sure S4 will like. I've been thinking about this too." Need to study the validation cheat sheet b/c I'm not sure I'm using the right words, but still, at least I didn't point out that I think S4 is having anxiety about H not being here and would probably eat better if we all sat down together. H doesn't want to hear that right now and so there's no point in saying it and starting a fight.

[Wonka]

Lorelai,

STFU does wonders, doesn't it? Good job on biting your tongue.

[Lorelai]

Have an appt. with a DB coach today. I definitely need it after my interactions with H.
He was being very nice, but of course, it was just so that he could talk to me about getting an apartment. In FACT, he said his MOM would WATCH the kids while we went out to talk about it. Funny, the woman never offered to watch the kids so we could TALK ABOUT OUR MARRIAGE!!!!!

Sorry, need to vent. I've had it up to here with H and his family— a bunch of wanna-be stoics who actually are just passive aggressive and ignoring real issues in their lives.

Here are some fun gems from talking to H today:
• H-"I see the kids as much as I did when I was living here." Excuse, me, what? You mean the three days a week, one or two of which you dump them with your mom for the day while you go "work?"
• "I think you'd love an apartment. It would give you a much-needed break. Especially if you're working full-time!"
• To my response of "I just don't think me moving out or even getting an apartment to 'bird nest' is a good idea. We've had too many changes already." H: "What changes?"

FACE PLANT
Will the aliens who abducted my H please bring him back? You have to be done with him by now!

[raliced]

Did you ever see a lawyer?

[Lorelai]

No, raliced, not yet. I have a ton on my plate with freelancing and having the kids a lot. The next two weeks are completely scheduled out for me, but I am going to at least see one.

[raliced]

Lorelai-

It does sound like you are super busy, but I would nudge this closer to the top of the list - even a phone consult if possible. The fact that your H wants you to leave the family home, and move to an apartment (where he may or may not help you with the rent) while he becomes the primary caretaker for the kids (while working full time) - well that's a pretty unusual scenario - even for these boards. I would be concerned that he even sees this as a viable option, therefore I would urge you to get legal advice sooner than later.

[Ss06]

I agree with raliced. Something's fishy with his urging of you moving out "for you". Legal advice at this point is something you REALLY need to have in your back pocket. Seriously.

Did I miss something? Why won't HE just move out? Why push you to do that? It's fishy and I don't like it.

[Lorelai]

Thank you Raliced and SS. SS, he is living with his mom right now, but has said one "option" is for him to move back home and I move out. I am going to consult with an attorney ASAP, probably not this week because of everything else I have going on.