I want to revisit the 'righteous anger' point at some stage with you when I have thought through how this impacts. I am convinced this is not serving you well and whilst religious dogma may appear to provide support then only God or our higher power has the position of imposing atonement. Judgement is clearly not the same as anger. Judgement acknowledges each of us is independent and has the freedom to 'sin'. As such we can be sinned against, but each of us is also a sinner. I will try to review my theological position on this, coming from a background of original sin, confession and personal accountability to that which is my higher power, then righteous anger has no place. This is very different in belief and structure. I will muse.
What I do understand is forgiveness, the Lord's Prayer on its own indictates that forgiveness is a virtue. What I am sure of is that forgiveness is very difficult to achieve in a single step. Each of us expects forgiveness, as do you for the attitudes you held before BD and for that prayer and meditation count towards atonement. If we can not forgive how can we expect forgiveness?
Forgiveness is often bigger than a single step and for me requires letting go of resentment. You are probably aware that my H is a compulsive, gambling, alcohol and smoking amoung other human weaknesses. I have my weaknesses too but these are more about impatience and distrust. H weaknesses have taken a toll on him, he is ashamed but bare faced about it. My main goal is to let go of the resentment I feel about his behaviour. I see some of this as wilful and insistent on his own way and some of it as mental illness over which H has little or no control. From this stance I can lose my resentment over his behaviour. If H ever comes out from his fog then my resentment and hurt will not serve us well. It may also hold me still in the wrong place. H has the right not to choose to be in a R with me and I may not like that but it is so. For that decision there is nothing I can do but be V and the best I can for V. H is irrational and makes his choices from an unstable place but H has the right to those choices.
You are right in your assessment I have loved a great deal, my first H died young and I still hold him to my heart. My second H I love too but more like a friend, his path has taken him to a relationship which is ambivalent on his sexuality, a recent development. I love this H very much and continue to stand for my M. I am truly blessed to have been given these great gifts and challenges in my life. I have only ever had four boyfriends and married three of them!
Each love is different and develops in its own way, whatever happens with your W then I am convinced a path can be found to a new type of love. MCS, you will need that path to forgiveness or resentment will be in your soul and spirit. This will make your own path harder and will leak into other aspects of your life. The first stage is to live for today and accept what is as this releases resentment. In this way living for today raises no expectation other than you can manage today.
Let go of the past and expect nothing of tomorrow and have peace today. V
Last edited by Vanilla; 02/09/1512:53 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
