Susana (2) - Learning to detach

[susana4]

Interesting thought experiment earlier today... I asked myself how I would react if H came to me tomorrow and said he wanted to reconcile (not that I expect that in any way, as far as I know he is still absolutely adamant it's over, there's no swaying him!). But I do think about it sometimes and what my reaction would be.

My reaction today when I thought about it was different and really surprised me. When I imagined H wanting to reconcile now, I panicked and thought, NO I don't want to reconcile right now! I actually felt a panicked, nervous knot in my stomach when I thought about it. Not because I am angry, or because I think H needs to make changes...
But because I am not ready. I am not done growing. I have not yet become the woman I am meant to become. I'm not the best susana I can be just yet, and I need more time to grow and become her.

So that was a weird reaction I didn't expect...