Wife having emotional affair 5

[Georgia Bulldogs]

I'm not really suggesting "courting" in the traditional sense of bringing over candy and roses while asking her dad for permission to date his daughter. Rather, perhaps, I'm suggesting you essentially "court" her away from OM just as he "courted" your wife away from you. How did he do that? He purposefully met the emotional needs of your wife that you weren't effectively meeting in a manner she liked. [I'm not saying it was your fault for not meeting those emotional needs in the manner she liked...I'm just discussing reasons, not blame]. He "swooned" her by talking to her. So now that your WW has settled into a relationship with OM they often discover that while OM does meet some needs well...he's just not you. He doesn't know her all that well nor for that long and since the relationship is built on lies and deceit there's just something missing [he's a jerk isn't noted...YET]. Again, he's NOT you and he is not her God given "soulmate". That's where you come in. You MAY have an opportunity to cunningly and WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS meet some of her most intimate emotional needs in a manner she really really likes to a point that as her interests and excitement over the new relationship wanes even more and even faster as her feelings for you become restored and rejuvenated A BIT. Perhaps even you can get her to keep secrets from OM and then "sneak" around with you behind OM's back like an alpha male 100% confident that you are the better man (because you are). Again...this isn't recovery. It isn't progress. You are only doing this to facilitate the end of the affair. You are attacking the affair just as OM attacked and undermined your marriage. If the affair ends THAT is progress and when recovery MIGHT commence but until then the affair continues.

You are suggesting he stoop to the OM's techniques, and expect to have an honorable M with his W? This is a wayward woman. If her H stoops to the things suggested in the above quote, how then can he believe she can respect him as the better man.......when he has behaved the same as OM?

If you reconcile...you've got some groundwork already in place for a solid recovery as your wife already would have somewhat restored feelings for you. Plus, she will eventually feel that your ACTIONS "saved" her from her own destruction and the worst HUGE mistake of her life.

Groundwork in place. What is the groundwork? Deceit and lies? It certainly won't be anything with high standards, integrity, honor, and the principles one hopes to build a M upon. How can she see him "saving" her when he imitated the actions of the OM?

All this would accomplish would be two men feeding her needs, instead of one. She would grow to lust after more excitement. She would not suffer consequences of her waywardness, but would be rewarded. Instead of her love being rekindled for her H, she would be on the lookout for OM #2. Nowhere in this type of scenario encourages a sense of remorse from her.

1. So, Sandi, if a criminal steals money from a bank and the bank tries to recover the money then the bank is stooping to the criminals level? I don't think so. She's HIS wife. HIS soulmate. To NOT seek the recovery of your God given spouse is neglect. In this case, she already thinks he neglected her so a proper 180 plan, I suggest, would involve doing the opposite.

2. He won't be mimicking OM's actions, just OM"s results of getting his wife to start relying on him emotionally again and stirring feelings for her husband again as he meets her needs in the manner she likes most as ONLY he can fill those needs. This isn't "lies and deceit" this is dating 101. It ain't the easy route. I did it and i've been recovered 100% for a decade. My wife and I help other couples now recover from infidelity in our real lives. If a husband doesn't value his wife enough to fight for her...who will?

3. There is absolutely no indication that this wayward wife is a serial cheater addicted to "more excitement" and multiple affairs with multiple men. Let's help this poster get rid of OM#1 before we worry about OM#2 or OM#3. Thinking more about this ~~~~if this wayward wife IS a serial cheater and addicted to being in affairs then this betrayed husband is better off knowing that sooner rather than "standing" back GAL'ing silently hoping for recovery for the next 2 years with a wayward wife incapable of a monogamous relationship.

4. How do you still relate affairs and the phrase "more excitement"??? I find that very odd. Affairs are soul and relationship destroying travesties. I kind of find it disturbing and hurtful to imply that this man's betrayed wife is having fun or the time of her life. Affairs aren't exciting they ARE quasi-suicidal behavior. His wife is lying on the floor of a crack house and needs her husband to save her. She's high on the drug of an affair so relating to her rationally is out the window so you have to be cunning to attract her away from the OM and to a safe place where you eventually sober her up and THEN work on healing your relationship with her.

5. Remorse happens when she's in love with the man that loved her enough to save her from herself.

6. Sandi, if your betrayed husband didn't do this for you, I am sorry.