Also have some specific questions on how to handle some situations too please.
We have discussed what to do with our wedding photos that hang on the wall. He has said I should keep them because they are our history, I have said I do not want them and will leave it up to him to do as he wants with them. Should I be taking them? To be honest I have no ideas what to do with them, I would not hang them up in my new place, it's just a painful reminder of what was at the moment. Should I be leaving them here for him to deal with? He has not had to deal with any of the "us" things with the home. I am sorting and packing up the house all by myself. There is also my wedding dress and his suit to deal with and to be honest I just want to leave them here and not deal with the disposal of such precious things.
When I move should I let him help? He has offered but I have said I will handle it all.
When it comes to our daughter and how she is emotionally handling this whole situation, should I be keeping him informed as in letting him know she is not a happy, carefree child anymore? In the beginning he was of the opinion she was unaffected because all he saw was a happy kid when she was with him, it's the behaviors at home with me when he is not here that he does not see. My DB coach has suggested to try and get him involved more, and this is more for reconciliation purposes, by family dinners or family time together, but when I touched on the subject he was not overly enthusiastic about it. He does work long hours being a farmer and has expressed that he likes his home time. He has other things at night that he does during the week like sports and farming can be a 7 day a week job. I don't know if pushing the point just reflects back to me not being able to drop the subject, and I have to admit there would be some ulterior motives besides the emotional welfare of our daughter.
Another thing is should I gloss over the fact that this is going to be financially and physically hard on me? I know full well what is ahead of me, having done this before with two other children. Previous marriage to this I left because it was abusive, funny enough my ex husband is very supportive, even saying that my now husband will realise what he has lost but his ego will get in the way of coming back to make it right, amazes me where the support pops up from!
As far far as him wanting us to be friends, who do you handle that, what to say? How much do I listen and bolster him up about his daily life? He has a lot on his plate, financially with the farm, worries about it to the point it keeps him from sleeping he says, should I be the shoulder to cry on about his life or if not how do I cut this off in a way that does not burn my bridges? Another one of the problems before was that we did not talk, I was not there for him, he just felt like I was taking him for granted and all he did for our family. I do say how I appreciate the things he does for us now, when he mows the lawn, all the little and big things. One thing he has said that strikes a cord and that the OW makes him feel special, and I know that's something I did not do in the last year.
