Wife having emotional affair 5

[sandi2]

I'm not really suggesting "courting" in the traditional sense of bringing over candy and roses while asking her dad for permission to date his daughter. Rather, perhaps, I'm suggesting you essentially "court" her away from OM just as he "courted" your wife away from you. How did he do that? He purposefully met the emotional needs of your wife that you weren't effectively meeting in a manner she liked. [I'm not saying it was your fault for not meeting those emotional needs in the manner she liked...I'm just discussing reasons, not blame]. He "swooned" her by talking to her. So now that your WW has settled into a relationship with OM they often discover that while OM does meet some needs well...he's just not you. He doesn't know her all that well nor for that long and since the relationship is built on lies and deceit there's just something missing [he's a jerk isn't noted...YET]. Again, he's NOT you and he is not her God given "soulmate". That's where you come in. You MAY have an opportunity to cunningly and WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS meet some of her most intimate emotional needs in a manner she really really likes to a point that as her interests and excitement over the new relationship wanes even more and even faster as her feelings for you become restored and rejuvenated A BIT. Perhaps even you can get her to keep secrets from OM and then "sneak" around with you behind OM's back like an alpha male 100% confident that you are the better man (because you are). Again...this isn't recovery. It isn't progress. You are only doing this to facilitate the end of the affair. You are attacking the affair just as OM attacked and undermined your marriage. If the affair ends THAT is progress and when recovery MIGHT commence but until then the affair continues.

You are suggesting he stoop to the OM's techniques, and expect to have an honorable M with his W? This is a wayward woman. If her H stoops to the things suggested in the above quote, how then can he believe she can respect him as the better man.......when he has behaved the same as OM?

If you reconcile...you've got some groundwork already in place for a solid recovery as your wife already would have somewhat restored feelings for you. Plus, she will eventually feel that your ACTIONS "saved" her from her own destruction and the worst HUGE mistake of her life.

Groundwork in place. What is the groundwork? Deceit and lies? It certainly won't be anything with high standards, integrity, honor, and the principles one hopes to build a M upon. How can she see him "saving" her when he imitated the actions of the OM?

All this would accomplish would be two men feeding her needs, instead of one. She would grow to lust after more excitement. She would not suffer consequences of her waywardness, but would be rewarded. Instead of her love being rekindled for her H, she would be on the lookout for OM #2. Nowhere in this type of scenario encourages a sense of remorse from her.