TM, I've been reading a book called something like Make Up, Don't Break Up and there is a chapter on infidelity and one of the author's theories is that adultery results sometimes from the cheating spouse's unconscious desires to resolve childhood attachment woundings and that serial cheaters sometimes have had a change in hormones in childhood which makes the rush of adultery more impactful to them. Anyway, it has whole chapters on forgiveness and she refers to some of the feelings you've described here. Might be worth a look.
Hope you had a great time at the salon! I miss Chicago.
