Yeah, the struggle is real with D7. It has been since day 1. Some days are awesome and other days not so much but no days are easy.
I will say though that stbx DID call me to apologize for threatening boarding school and saying "you'll be ok". He explained that he was grasping at straws and didn't know what to say (a common phenomenon when dealing with D7). He also explained his intent behind "you'll be ok". We talked about it and he actually apologized, heard my concerns about both things, understood where I was coming from, I understood where he was coming from and we RESOLVED it. I think that's the first argument that has come to a resolution since 2000. No joke. I'll take it. I felt good. Really good.
I can tell he's working on stuff in therapy. He seems more grounded and less defensive and accusatory, more understanding and empathetic. When we had that talk a while back about D7's testing and he was suddenly against it all, blah, blah... that's the last time he's been "like that". I'm glad.
Part of me wonders if he's maybe making changes we can work things out but let's be realistic. He's done and given what I know he has been doing behind my back since 2009... we can't stay married. Not to each other.
raliced and rpp, thank you so much for telling me about yourselves and your daughter. I find myself banging my head against a wall hoping for the magical day that D7 will find her place in this world. She's seven so there's plenty of time but I just hope she doesn't get kicked out of school (again) before then.
Testing cannot come soon enough.
Claire, I actually have Ross Green's book The Explosive Child and really liked his philosophy. I sent stbx and D7's school principal links to the videos on his website, too and they both were impressed and hopeful. I read the book again this morning and I'm going to make some serious efforts in Plan B this weekend. The issue right now is more about D7's SEVERE inattention and impulse control problems. I feel like once that's under control we'll have some direction but right now, talking to her for more than 7 seconds means she's lost interest already and I'm not exaggerating.
Consequences and punishments have NEVER worked for D7 and before you know it she's lost everything and her little life is HELL and then she has no self-esteem whatsoever and still misbehaves. I feel like she only gets grumpy-faced adults looking at her, she rarely gets smiles anymore. I'm changing that. Her misbehavior, for the most part, is completely out of her control. She just does not have the skills to control her impulses and maintain her focus. I'm not exactly sure how but I plan to help her learn that.
Otherwise, I'm quite well. D7 and I signed up for a 1 mile fun-run tomorrow to represent the karate studio she belongs to. I'm not a runner by any stretch of the imagination. Swim a mile? No problem. Run it? Um, no. So this'll be interesting for sure.
Calibri, raliced, Claire, uR... find me... I placed a bat signal out for you on the previous page.
