How To Be A Man Only A Fool Would Leave Take #2

[HPoirot]

Hello Starsky and rppfl. I'm very close to thinking, in my sitch and with my W, that filing D is the best thing for me to do.

For one, I said long ago in a casual conversation if she had an affair I would D her.

I also said, at the beginning of our sitch, that I would not live in an open marriage.

I did partially follow through on that by leaving for this condo.

Now the logical thing to do is to stay in charge of this thing and file D to get what works for me.

My W has acted very unstable at times. She described her worst screaming episode as a breakdown. She was in fear and scrambling for control.

Now that we've had some separation, she's been exerting control as Sandi says with her threats and calls and name calling and schedule changes and asking me to talk about child support for her like she's entitled to it.

So it's true... she's finding other ways to show disrespect all while saying sorry for disrespecting me. As has been said here... I would be crazy to want and try to rescue the person she is being now.

I want a happy, sexy, fun, smart, cuddly, better person. And if she's ever to respect me enough to want back in and be that better person herself... I have to respect myself and be a better person first.

This person has trampled on me and S12. I can't move on fully while I still allow her power in my life. As long as I don't have agreements legal, she'll make changes and threaten me any way she can. If she goes legal and I cave b/c I want to keep the road home smooth, then I'll end up paying her money to destroy our family.

I think the only way my M stands a chance is for me to show I'm not tolerant of her incredible behavior by doing what any self-respecting man would do and dump her firmly with the D.

Now, I still want to be empathetic and loving. She is the mother of my son. I still struggle with how and when to be loving. At this point, though, showing her warmth just gets me crushed and unhappy.

So, maybe I'm not DBing any more like DB coach Chuck says. I have one more appointment with him so I'll ask.

I will also send an email to my L with what I'm thinking and start using that retainer. Like in LITB's case where his W moved and he felt to fight to see his kids... I'm doing the same but I'm moving instead.

I know... I'm emotional about her telling S12 we're not getting back together. Last week I put on my ring feeling good about working on myself and letting W calm down and just letting time pass.

Now my ring is off. My W has been terrible. I feel empathy and I miss her and I would love us to be a happy family again. But, respect is a big thing for her in a man. The man I was when she met me would dump her.