You can look for some apps on her phone. Snapchat is one. And Kik.
Yep, my W had Kik as well as some Role Playing Game that had a chat component.
It took me a while of thinking it was just an infatuation, until I started piecing circumstantial evidence together. This was especially difficult as she had left before any of this. After >30 things (searches for football tickets, found a hotel review on the 'net while she was 'visiting her mom,' searches for mens shoes, deleted facebook account, people seeing her in town with someone else.) I finally got to 95% certainty and broke my own rule and downloaded her backup on her phone. I looked for about 15 minutes and saw nothing in there. Nothing at all. Its because they were using the Kik app. Then one text message. Him asking for her to come over so they could ML and have his GF watch my kids.....She still denies that ever happened, but at that point I was out of evidence.
Anyway, moral of story is that I felt 1000x better (after a couple days) when it was someone else because like you it allowed me to fit all the puzzle pieces together, formulate a plan and prepare to talk to her about the 'truth' in our marriage for the first time in over a year. She initially seemed to reach out to reconciliation and then clamped down hard when I said I wouldn't be 'Plan B.' Now, 4 months later she's just getting out of that total withdraw from me.
YMMV, but it helped me keep focus that it was not 100% me that caused out M to breakdown, especially with me not knowing anything was wrong.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
