Snooping was also feeding my negative thoughts of my wife and made me feel less confident about myself.
Also, this is the opposite for me. I keep asking myself (especially last night) "what is wrong with me?", "what did I do". But seeing the stuff on FB today made me feel MORE confident about myself.
Snooping was also feeding my negative thoughts of my wife and made me feel less confident about myself.
Also, this is the opposite for me. I keep asking myself (especially last night) "what is wrong with me?", "what did I do". But seeing the stuff on FB today made me feel MORE confident about myself.
I felt the same way. Once I found out my wife's behavior was VERY typical of someone having an affair, and then when my intel confirmed that she WAS having an affair, I knew I wasn't going crazy!
Just look up and learn about "gaslighting" -- it can have very serious consequences on the one that's being gaslighted.
I honestly don't know why anyone would NOT want to know the truth about something, so they can deal with it accordingly. If -- as Jack Nicholson famously said -- "you can't HANDLE the truth," then have a trusted third party handle it for you, and just keep you apprised of any immediate threats to you, your family or your finances.
You are in great hands here with Starsky. He is a badass. I had never read his post from his archives. That was pretty slick.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
You can look for some apps on her phone. Snapchat is one. And Kik.
Yep, my W had Kik as well as some Role Playing Game that had a chat component.
It took me a while of thinking it was just an infatuation, until I started piecing circumstantial evidence together. This was especially difficult as she had left before any of this. After >30 things (searches for football tickets, found a hotel review on the 'net while she was 'visiting her mom,' searches for mens shoes, deleted facebook account, people seeing her in town with someone else.) I finally got to 95% certainty and broke my own rule and downloaded her backup on her phone. I looked for about 15 minutes and saw nothing in there. Nothing at all. Its because they were using the Kik app. Then one text message. Him asking for her to come over so they could ML and have his GF watch my kids.....She still denies that ever happened, but at that point I was out of evidence.
Anyway, moral of story is that I felt 1000x better (after a couple days) when it was someone else because like you it allowed me to fit all the puzzle pieces together, formulate a plan and prepare to talk to her about the 'truth' in our marriage for the first time in over a year. She initially seemed to reach out to reconciliation and then clamped down hard when I said I wouldn't be 'Plan B.' Now, 4 months later she's just getting out of that total withdraw from me.
YMMV, but it helped me keep focus that it was not 100% me that caused out M to breakdown, especially with me not knowing anything was wrong.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Okay, now that you see what the issue probably is for her checking out of the marriage, you're going to have to start to look at what the causes were. Think back to the time that your marriage was starting to be shaky and try to see what things your wife would tell you she was unhappy about. These are the things you're going to need to change. Sometimes it's more apparent what our issues were in our marriage, And then sometimes the issues aren't that apparent.
Much like you, my wife said same things, help around the house, kids, Etc. It seems like there were other things for my wife that she didn't tell me when she left that were the real issues. For me it was she felt like she wasn't my equal, my expectations were too high, I didn't give Her enough individuality. The tricky part is some of these are validate some are not, but in a WAS they all are valid. It makes you really need to think abou t how to change these traits.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Last night was pretty uneventful. She called me at work and asked if she could make dinner for the family. Again, odd because she rarely cooks for everyone.
We ate dinner together. But afterwards she got her phone and retreated to the basement. She came up every now and then to get a drink. But stayed down there until after I was in bed.
A friend suggested that I dress up nice and treat myself to a movie tonight. So i plan on doing that.
