This can't be the end! #2

[Barry]

Hello Toots, RD, Lisa, and Mozza.

Thank you all for your continued kind words of support and encouragement.

Toots.
Today has been a slightly more "up" day for me. I've decided to try to post only on those days as the down days for me are awful (as I'm sure they are for everyone), but looking back through my threads, I communicate less effectively when I'm upset. I'm also using this knowledge to pick the times when I have contact with my W as best I can. As we all know, the ups and downs come frequently, I'm sure particularly during the first few months.

Our sitches don't determine our lives going forwards, we do that for ourselves.

I try to remind myself of this every morning when I'm at my lowest.

RD
As I've said to you before, I find certain similarities in our sitches. The main one being the length of time we have been M and T with our W's. I also feel your pain. It's a very long time to have invested in something for it to be thrown on the fire by your partner.

This woman was my best friend for /25 years and I trusted her with my life. I long for her to come home and join the family but that's not on the cards at the moment

Although that it's me that moved out for financial and logistical reasons mainly, and it's my W that is in the marital home with my children, I too wish she would emotionally rejoin our family, but like your sitch, that doesn't look likely right now. As I say, I don't have an OM in the picture (yet) so I do feel for you that there is one in yours. I really do hope things improve for you at some point.
I do try to look at the positives in my life, but aside from my 4 lovely children (which is positive enough I must say), who love me very much, the rest are limited as they tie in some way to my M. I'm working on creating new positives that aren't though!

Lisa
I do understand your (and everyone's) feedback and comments regarding the sadness bit. In regard to not taking stock in WAS's absolutes etc, it was good of you to give examples in your sitch (which I'm not up to date with yet) where this is the case. My W's current outlook does seem fairly bleak, but I do appreciate that she, like everyone, does not know the future.

That being said, If she says something specific about the relationship that she didn't like, take it and put it in your pocket to work on. That's a 180 for you

Regarding this, I tried to ask her (at BD) where it is in our relationship that she feels that I/we have failed. All she has and will say is that we are "not good for each other any more" I understand what she is saying there as we certainly had a rough 2014, but I personally don't feel it's anything insurmountable.

I do have a question relating to this: Should I ask her to make a list (however brutal) of these things? I was thinking of asking her to, and saying that it was not something that I could agree to change everything on (to win her back), more from a viewpoint that I need to know for any future relationship I have, be that with her (hopefully) or another. Thoughts on this anyone?

Mozza
I'm sorry to hear that you've had a tough day today. I know you are much better placed to heed your own advice rather than me give you any, but as you rightly say, the next up day is just around the corner so hang in there.
I, like you, can see me being upset every say for many months to come, even if no physical tears are shed. I'm glad that you continue to follow and post on my sitch.

On a lighter note, my very kind boss gave me half a day off for free today. He knows my sitch and it was his way of telling me "well done" for getting through the days without letting all this interfere with my work. I work in a fairly stressful role so he did give me a figurative pat on the back today. He's a good guy.
Anyway, I got home and as it was a nice sunny afternoon, went on a 10 mile run in the local countryside. It did me good to be out in the fresh air (I usually train in the gym) and I felt much better on getting home.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow's meet with my D15 and boyfriend, and my clothes shopping. The shopping is (as silly as it sounds) a bit of a 180 for me as I could never tolerate browsing many shops for anything. My usual opinion would be "get in, buy, get out" as is the case for many men I presume. I intend to take a bit more time and get some well fitting items to help my PMA.

Sorry for the long post, and take care everyone.

Barry.