Tarheel, I saw that you sent your W an email asking her thoughts on how you hurt her/your issues so you could work on them; how did that go? I considered this conversation with H but haven't asked him, it 's just that he never really told me his reasons. He told me stuff he'd done wrong and took on a lot of blame himself but he didn't really lay out his complaints about my behaviour. It might hurt to hear but I also want to improve myself and it would help to have an honest evaluation.
To no surprise, she hasn't responded. I recall a few mos after BD I asked the same thing of her and she never responded then either. I'm sure there have been other times I've asked these past 16 mos as well. My guess is that she's already communicated those things to me at some point and I was hearing her, but not 'listening' to her. It doesn't matter- I'm working on things I think I should be working on regardless if W and I are to reconcile. I want to work on things for my benefit, not hers.
That makes sense, sounds along the lines of what I've been doing - just focusing on things I've realised I want to change about myself. I guess I just worry there's something I've missed. Sometimes it's easier for people outside us to see the big picture about us, rather than us realising these things about ourselves. So I thought he may have a better perspective than I do. But I also don't want to pressure him into a discussion.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
