How To Be A Man Only A Fool Would Leave Take #2

[HPoirot]

Hello Jan. I'm sorry your W won't negotiate with you. I'm also concerned about upcoming legalities with W.

Since yesterday I've been thinking about how it would be to just file for D myself. I've been here before. It happens when I let W piss me off.

If I think about it... I still do believe she and I could start a new and wonderful M if we were both happy and committed and had the right help.

I know I would be committed to do the work... but the W I know now not at all. She only shows me a commitment to leaving our M. I don't look forward to partnering with her to raise S12. I don't like her at all today. I don't know who'll she be tomorrow.

Thinking like that I want to file D immediately, go for full custody, and sever my connection to her as completely as possible. I recognize that's b/c I want more control in the sitch. I recognize doing it this way would likely kill any R possibility years down the road.

I know it's been only 2 months of physical separation and that focusing on W is not good for me. I've also not done enough GAL. I'm still not living a life that I love. I still have a lot to do.

So, I don't know that my situation has taken a turn for the worse. I look at sitches like Crimson's and LITB's and Denver_2010's. Although they all may not have all had severe lying and drama from a wayward W like us... they all had Ws that were committed to leaving and all had to suffer an OP at some point. It took years for the Ws in those sitches to change.

The LBSs didn't really have to have patience either. They all ran out of patience and moved on. They made better lives for themselves. So, when the Ws showed signs to want back in, it was a surprise... sometimes an inconvenient surprise... for the LBS.

It comes down again to just accepting where our Ws are and just reaching for a better life for ourselves without burning the bridge. To not at all try to save our Ms.

I think, if I filed for D today, I would do it in a way to crush my W and cut her from my life as much as possible so I can move without issue to South Florida. If I keep allowing myself to be disappointed by W... I'll do this.

And, even with all the amazing advice we get here, sometimes I'm also unsure what to do or if what I'm doing is working. I know now, when I feel that way, I'm still focusing on W and not on me.

So, I think, in both of our cases, we do what we can legally to protect ourselves but in the most calm way possible. Let the lawyers handle it and try not to take anything personally.

Also, it is me limiting my contacts with W to text, VMs, and email. I will not discuss anything with her in any way I can't document. I will not speak with her in any way that I'll end up yelling at her. I am polite every time I send her a text. I don't escalate arguments.

I think that's all we can do. Our Ws aren't coming back today. The only time they may come back is when we no longer care what they do.

Let's just get there.