Now feeling really sad and so upset about all of this... I hate this. Absolutely hate it. This is so unfair to me, our kids, and all of our family and friends who love us as a family.
Fair and unfair is a point of view. All you need to do is realize the fly trapped in a spiders web has a totally different view of what is fair from the spider.
Jer, I am very new to your thread...so please forgive me if you have stated this before.
Why are YOu moving out?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Jer, I am very new to your thread...so please forgive me if you have stated this before.
Why are YOu moving out?
No need to forgive :-)
She owns the majority % of the house because she has always paid the mortgage (higher income earner) and I do not make enough -- nor can I make what she makes -- in order to buy her out and/or pay the mortgage.
She has threatened to take me to court to force me out of the house, and I have requested time for me to find a full-time job that will allow me to support myself and my share of support for the kids.
She is very impatient with the time it is taking me to find a job and living with her is becoming more and more miserable for me by the day -- especially after this trip she took.
We are a same-sex couple in a state where marriage is not legal -- so I have no legal standing with regard to the house like I might if we were a straight married couple going through a divorce.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Jer on top of all the crap you are going through, I am truly sorry that we do not YET live in a world where all marriages are legal and each spouse is protected by law.
In a civil case you might find sympathy as a domestic partner from a jury.
I wish it were different, in other cases where the spouse is protected by law, I suggest that since they want the D they can leave.
You know your situation better than me. In some aspects of this you don't budge or give in on money and house those are the ones, normally.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Okay -- to all my MLC expert friends here... Questions...
On Monday we are supposed to meet to continue discussing terms of separation. At our last meeting (about a month ago) she requested some information from me regarding the electricity contract and the schedule & contact info for all of the home maintenance.
I sent her the info today via email. In the email regarding the home maintenance, I simply stated that for the spring service calls I would go ahead and schedule these items. She fired back wanting to know if I expect that I will still be living at the house at the time those service calls are due and if not, then to please not schedule them so she could schedule them around her work schedule.
The tone of her emails back to me today have been rather nasty.
My initial assumption is that she's just super angry and being Monster over the fact that I am still unable to move out. But is it at all possible that by providing her with the info that she requested -- info that moves us farther along the path towards separation and showing that I am moving along with the process -- that by giving her that it could be causing her to spin more?
Reminder -- she just got back from her trip on Wednesday and was somewhat nice to me Wednesday evening and Thursday morning, but last night and this morning she was a cross between Monster and Ice Queen.
I know -- I probably shouldn't even worry about what is going on with her... Except that her tone in her emails is affecting my mood today... Really not looking forward to her coming home tonight or having to be around her this weekend.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
You know your situation better than me. In some aspects of this you don't budge or give in on money and house those are the ones, normally.
Yep. Trying not to budge if possible... Just a tough situation... No legal protection plus all of the emotional turmoil and concern over the impact on the kids.
We do have some legal protection with the kids at least -- we were able to do second-parent adoptions, so we both are legal parents to all three of our kids. This saves us from making the headlines like other same-sex couples where one "parent" really isn't a legal parent and ends up losing all access and contact with the child(ren) they raised from birth.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
I am no "expert" but I do feel I have earned a stripe or two in this MLC brigade.
My hunch, in a word ...its pressure. From what I have read, and experienced the MLC'rs hate pressure ... I would think her getaway was just that .. she got away from all the normal pressure, when she came back she may have felt at ease, but as she started entering back into work, home, life .. the pressure is still right there waiting for her... we all have had this experience after we have been on a vacation but my guess is the MLC'rs are a bit more sensitive to it. Remember .. you are the one she might fixate on as to the reason she is not happy ... its not about you though ... its her crisis, don't forget that.
Like you said ... you can not worry about her and what she is thinking, its honestly a waste of energy .. .she will do as she will do, you have the control of your own moods, just as she .. figure out how to detach enough to where her moods do not effect yours.
My hunch, in a word ...its pressure. From what I have read, and experienced the MLC'rs hate pressure ... I would think her getaway was just that .. she got away from all the normal pressure, when she came back she may have felt at ease, but as she started entering back into work, home, life .. the pressure is still right there waiting for her... we all have had this experience after we have been on a vacation but my guess is the MLC'rs are a bit more sensitive to it. Remember .. you are the one she might fixate on as to the reason she is not happy ... its not about you though ... its her crisis, don't forget that.
That makes sense about it being more pressure... Just so odd since it's info she requested as part of this process... But reminder to self: Nothing about MLC makes sense!
And I know I need to not let her mood affect my mood... going to go outside in a bit and try that prayer idea that you suggested in another post :-)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
I am just going to write this out here -- kind of like saying it out loud publicly...
I don't deserve any of this. I deserve so much better -- to be treated better, to be loved better, and to be able to believe and rely on the promises/vows that are made to me. :-)
That really did make me feel a tiny bit better...
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
