I've been fighting a cold the last couple of days and it finally seems to have overtaken me. Not looking forward to the weekend - as it is supposed to rain the whole time and I will have to keep the girls busy indoors the whole time while sick. Ugh.
Saw STBX last night as he dropped off girls. He barely acknowledges me when he does this. He was off to some mystery activity that also precluded him from being parent helper in D6's class today.
As the days tick by, I have to say that I come closer and closer to really accepting and being fully present in my new reality. The part that's an open question is how STBX is going to fit into this life. He's the father of my children - but even envisioning him in that capacity is kind of vague. We are certainly no longer partners in raising them and at the moment I don't see any prospect for that changing. I know in the grand scheme of things its pretty early days - but when I see him right now it really hits me that he is a complete stranger. I have no idea what goes on his life other than - he is still gainfully employed, he lives with his 40 year old girlfriend named Lisa, they live in some sort of small house on a ranch where he does extra "chores" to reduce his rent (no idea if Lisa owns the house or ranch or what), he takes the girls one day a week, barely speaks to his family and has become a cowboy. Oh - and his girlfriend has a chihuahua, which I find a little hilarious, given STBX's previous extreme distaste for little dogs.
Is the man I married gone forever? I don't really need him back as a husband, but I'd like to know who I'm dealing with as a father.
