WAW affair admitted 2

[Ontheup]

Hi Starsky

After todays talks we're both pretty much done. It seems my wife has been involved with this person for longer than I thought. At least emotionally. Not that it really makes any difference. She was vulnerable because I had stopped giving her what she needed. We were both naïve. Red flags were ignored. This all ties back into when we first started having problems about 4 years ago. This is around the time she started working much more closely with OM.
Again im not innocent. I have strayed in our marriage as well as I wasn't happy.
At the moment there is just too much pain to even think clearly. We are both hurting a lot.
Im not fooling myself. Our marriage is dead in the water. It was a long time ago. I think we only stayed together for D8, money, comfort and friendship. Now OM is divorced there is nothing to stop them having a relationship. We're still married obviously but its just a piece of paper, any commitment behind it went a long time ago from both of us.
She has noticed the changed me though which is a shame. I didn't ask but she said today she is "annoyed as now im the perfect husband and dad. Why couldn't I have been like that before. The next woman will be very lucky". same for everyone on here I guess. horse and bolted spring to mind.
Its sad we have both done this to each other and our family. We never had the right tools in the 1st place to fix things before they got too bad. We got married and off we went into the big wide world believing everything would be great. No one ever said "you need to do xyz to keep the marriage going" We discussed this today and how sad it is that divorce rate is so high and media just concentrate on celebs getting divorced and remarried like its a good thing. What we should be concentrating on is providing people with the right skills to make a marriage/relationship work. If id found this site about 4 years ago I wouldn't be writing this now. I'm sure we'd be happy and in a marriage where we resolve our problems by dealing with them not blaming and then looking elsewhere for comfort. I know so many people who would benefit from this site and the guidance you get here. Im going to a wedding in April and you know what im going to buy them. DB book.
I have learnt a lot over the last few months about relationships, how to make them work, how to protect them from harms way. I cant look back now. I have to move forward. With time the pain for both of us will ease and we'll move into new fulfilling lives. Im glad I now have the skills to make not just a future relationship but my life in general better.
Im going to keep posting and help others on here where I can. I'm no vet but i've learnt a lot with a long way still to go.
Who knows where life will take me next.

On a positive note Ice skating with D8 last night was brilliant. We're both starting to get the hang of it Great GAL activity