Susana (2) - Learning to detach

[susana4]

I need some help. I've been thinking a lot recently how I never apologised to H, and I don't know if I should.

Do you think this 'need' to apologize has anything to do with impatience? Are you feeling like you need to do 'something'? I ask because in retrospect I often felt that 'need' as well- 'maybe she'll reconsider if I send this email/text??'

However, after saying that, I did send my W a short email a month or so after BD per suggestion of my IC. It was just a short apology and I thanked her for speaking up. That I was going to use our S as an opportunity to work on myself with the hopes that I'd be able to show her my changes at some point down the road. She responded positively.

I've been thinking about this and I don't really think it will make a difference to his decision. I suppose I don't want him to take what I said earlier to heart and blame himself completely (which he seemed to be doing - when I would tell him it was his fault he just agreed); so maybe I'm trying to control how he feels? In which case I shouldn't say anything.

I'm also really impressed with his level of introspection and am tempted to tell him that too. He's not naturally an introspective person but he's really looking at himself and making changes, and no matter what happens between us in the future I really do admire him for it.

I think I will sit on it for a bit and think next week while he's away and discuss with DB coach.

Tarheel, I saw that you sent your W an email asking her thoughts on how you hurt her/your issues so you could work on them; how did that go? I considered this conversation with H but haven't asked him, it 's just that he never really told me his reasons. He told me stuff he'd done wrong and took on a lot of blame himself but he didn't really lay out his complaints about my behaviour. It might hurt to hear but I also want to improve myself and it would help to have an honest evaluation.