Complex #4 - D talk started / Detaching continues

[Complex]

I'm in NC with W right now and I don't know if I should even start any conversations at this point. Neither do I know if she told her family.
I just read Starkys advice in SRDs thread what to say to W. But I've said too much already. Every time we got into a conversation it was more of a blame game. I told her so many times that how she handled the situation is not acceptable, but all she is saying is "I'm so sorry...but we have to forgive ourselves at some point". And I feel like she still doesn't get how disrespectful it was to go the path of an EA, then calling it quits within the M and legitimizing her EA and let it grow.
I guess I'm still too focused on that.

Now, if I make her open up some, start being friends with her again I feel like catering her too much and it may cause a faster D process, through mediation or what ever we are going to do to make this rather friendly.
If I don't it has the potential to being nasty. I don't wantbthat either but I need to protect myself and be firm and also stretch the D to a certain extend bc I obviously want to still save my M.....not sure what position to take!?