My Story

[susana4]

Hi Joe,
Sorry I haven't had a chance to catch up on your sitch or comment in awhile.

So I have been doing alot of thinking and praying the past few days. Sunday my Dad had to be flown in to the hospital and put in intensive care. His Kidneys shut down from having pneumonia and being dehydrated. It was a very scary stressful situation. I was down at the hospital with my mom while my dad was in the hospital.

Joe, I am SO sorry to hear about your Dad. He will be in my thoughts, and I hope he recovers soon.

My wife took care of the kids and of course had to work that evening. I was a little bothered when I got home because I could have used some support. She came down to hear how things were going and I wasn't able to just talk with her about everything before she said she had to get back to work.

I don't mean to be hard on you here, I know you're going through a stressful time with your dad, but please try and stop and think about this from your wife's perspective. Your wife took care of your kids while your dad was in hospital and then she came down (from where? from her work to the house?) to talk to you about the situation before having to go to work, and you're complaining she wasn't supportive enough?

That sounds really supportive to me! You can't really blame her for having to go to work, I'm assuming her work starts at a set time and she had to be there? Yet she took some time out to speak to you and hear about your dad, and even come down (from work?) to talk to you.

Did you thank her for coming down and talking to you? Did you show her any praise?

It's better to praise behaviours you like, and encourage more of them, than to criticise behaviours your don't like...

Than I went back down yesterday to see my dad and on the day she was supposed to be off work, she decided to train another girl and help out during the afternoon and evening. Usually when I get home after work I take care of the kids and get them put to bed. I think that our children would be more important on her day off than her helping out. She helps out everytime someone needs to do any little thing. The one time her own family needed her she chose the job over us. My daughter was kinda worried about her grandpa being in the hospital. Last night when I got home she wasn't even available to talk to me about my dad. I have been there for her through every experience she has ever had to deal with. I have left work many times to get her to the hospital or if she needed me. I guess I was just hoping that during her one night off she would be there for me. Am I being selfish? I guess I just thought that having your spouse there through tough times was part of being married. My dad almost died. I'm sorry, but I needed to vent. She didn't used to be like this.

There are a lot of assumptions here...

How do you know she chose to train the girl? Might she have been forced to by her superiors?

Did you ask your wife to watch the kids that evening, or did you just assume she would? Did you discuss it with her?

I know it's hard not to assume your W will help you out in your time of need (and it's easy to get angry over your spouse not helping), but it's also your responsibility to express what you need. You can't just assume that she will guess it. I don't understand what happened anyway,
did someone else watch the kids that day?
Were you unable to go to the hospital at all to see your dad because you had to stay home with the kids?

If I understand correctly what you wrote, you were still able to see your dad, but you are angry your wife wasn't there to speak to you when you got home.

Am I being selfish? I guess I just thought that having your spouse there through tough times was part of being married.
I don't think you're being selfish, but you are assuming your wife can read your mind. And you don't seem to be appreciating what she did do to help you in this time of need.

Lastly, if your wife is going through a mid life crisis (and it sounds it to me based on what you've said) I don't think you can count on her to be by your side, being supportive. And you certainly shouldn't expect her to act like her old self.