I'm going to differ from some other posters on this, but I would NOT -- yet -- discontinue the gathering of intel. You still do not have NEAR enough information about what's going on. If you find you can't handle the data raw, then ask a trusted 3rd party to view/listen to it, but if it were me (and it was, 7.5 years ago) I would be gathering MORE intel right now, not LESS.
Snooping isn't advised because it messes with your detachment. I say there are things you can do to minimize that, and then when you have what you need, THEN you stop doing it except for periodic checks or to, say, confirm a promised no-contact pledge from her or something (more on that separately).
Right now, you should be in this mode:
1) taking care of yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
2) taking care of your sons (yes, this is 2nd, but only in the "put the oxygen mask over your own face first, so you can then safely help your children" sense).
3) GAL.
4) READ everything you can on affairs; learn the patterns, learn how to deal with them and how to protect yourself during this phase.
5) (and this isn't 5th overall, but rather an over-arching thing above the other four) -- DB. What are those things you let slip about yourself during your marriage? What are the legitimate self-improvements you need to make? What things is the OM providing to your wife emotionally that you were not? What would the next 100 days look like for you and your kids if your wife were suddenly killed in a tragic car accident? (sorry to be so morbid, but the concept is sound -- how would you live your life?). That sort of thing.
Who pays for her cellphone, and do you get detailed billing on it?
