I've decided to tell her when she gets home that I cannot live in limbo anymore and need to know if she is ready to reconcile. And we'll get together on Friday for her to give me an answer. In the meantime if she needs to talk to our MC or someone she has time to mull it over. If she chooses to reconcile then that means full transparency, counselling, physical intimacy and a lot of work at fixing the marriage. If she chooses not to reconcile then it's over and we move on, but I cannot take this limbo anymore.
Peter, just food for thought...Last fall I decided to give my W the same 'ultimatum'. We had been acting friendly towards each other, but she continued to give me the 'I need time to gather my thoughts' line your W continues to give you. Meanwhile, she was continuing some type of R with OM ( I discovered her trip with 'friends' included him) and I had had enough. I decided I would give her one last chance to work things out when she got home. Finally, after taking every bit of the deadline I gave her to give me an answer, she agreed to MC, no contact, working on our R, etc. However, looking back on it, she wasn't 'ready' to do that hard work. We lasted maybe 4 MC sessions before she bailed, saying she needed some time to be on her own.
I'm not at all discouraging you from taking action or establishing your boundaries. I just want you to be prepared for any potential outcomes. If she decides to 'try' for a month, then backs out, what will you do then?
