But, I did wonder if my silence (outside of the email) would play a role. Since we have been speaking again, and losing that, I guess... maybe somewhere... there was a thought that he would notice it. Especially since he did before. So I did look the this morning and yesterday morning (2x4) and saw he did not stay at hww's. I did think, perhaps, he was thinking bout things. BUT DUH!!!!!! I'm and IDIOT for thinking like that! THATS the stuff that is KILLING ME!
You are not an idiot, Mighty. Stop beating yourself up. It doesnt serve you well. We all get to where we need to be in our own time and in our own way. BUT, thinking like that ^^^^ is just not good for you. It just isnt, sweetie. You are going to make yourself crazy doing that.
Originally Posted By: Mighty
I thought about a person, a mutually close person, who probably said to xh- hey dummy, you are killing Mighty by doing that in her face. Get a grip! So, maybe he stopped for two days. So what. Could be totally inaccurate and probably is. But, it was a realization that I can't do that stinkin' thinkin'!
Ayep...so, stop that LOL! And no more mindreading.
Originally Posted By: Mighty
So, I was not so pretty all the time. It bothers me that that's probably what he will remember me by. What sent him running (among other things). All the great memories he said he missed and he thought about while he was gone... are probably now going to be pushed to the wayside. Now he will probably remember crazy. But, it was a short period of time. Maybe that will pass.
Ok, that ^^^ is not good, Mighty. At all. Really? You think amidst all of the cr@p that you were dealing with, that you should have worried about being pretty? And THAT is the reason he left? Mighty, he left because he is screwed up in his head. Totally. Fully. There isnt anything that you could have done that could stop this crisis. Nothing. It was his destiny.
Mighty, you are not a disappointment or a let down. You are an amazing woman, incredibly strong and caring, funny and smart. Please dont allow his brokenness to make you feel less than. Dont worry about where you are at right now. Just worry about taking care of you.
You have got to let him go, Mighty. Really and truly. Let him go. Leave him to figure himself out. He isnt worthy of you right now. He really isnt.
I cannot allow you to continue to blame yourself for his crisis, his actions, his words. They are his. Let him have them, M. Give them all back to him.
Treat yourself with care, M. You deserve nothing less.
