I have been "off" in the past several days. Just survived my 14th anniversary by having dinner alone. He called and texted but I ignored him. He then sent me pictures of my dogs waiting by the front door. I texted back said be home in 1/2 hour. We did not say much when I got back but he did not seem upset.
I can't say if things are turning around but there are some positive changes. We have not had a fight in a while and I try to listen to him more. We only talk about him and his issues, without me complaining. So when he askes how I'm doing, I just say OK.
We had nasty snow yesterday and he called to say if i'm too scarred to drive, he would come to get me from work. I told him I'm ok and he did clear the drieway for me. This morning he put salt on the stairs and warmed up my car for me.
I know he has not looked for an apartment in a couple of days (OK I snoop sometimes)but still does not mean he is not leaving.
Me 44; H 48 no kids together; H has D24, D19 M 14; T 18 DB 12/21/14 living together (for now)
Keep working on the GAL activities. Also, other than being too independent, what other issues can you work on? It is very important to get started working on making yourself a better person. The 180's are for you, and you only, not to get your H back. Starting on the 180s and working on GAL will allow you to shift focus from your H to yourself. This will allow you to begin to detach. Good luck and keep posting.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Hi June, I understand how you feel. My STBX was supported by me for many years through his long custody trial. I felt doubly betrayed when he suddenly decided he wanted to split. My story is in my first thread Surviving the rollercoster.
A 180 can be showing vulnerability. It can be how you respond to him. You want to avoid begging and pleading and try to show a PMA when he is around.that doesn't mean be cold.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
The roller coaster is killing me. His mood swing is so unreasonable. I feel sad all the time but try so hard to hide it from him and from people at work. I did tell a few friends but have since stopped talking to anyone about it.
I miss being able to talk to him about ME and now am starting to resent it. So, I'm the only one who try to fix this but the other person checked out already. When should I give up?
Me 44; H 48 no kids together; H has D24, D19 M 14; T 18 DB 12/21/14 living together (for now)
So my H disappeared for the whole night. He called me around 2 pm said he's going to work and texted me around 8 asked if i'm OK. Then that's it. Never came home and turned off his phone.
First, I don't really know if he is working because he only does per diem jobs. The the biggie is that he has a substance abuse issue that I think partly it's from his depression. But of course, he never admits to it and never really receives any treatment. He did stop cocaine about 8 years ago but there is still marijuana, and more recently Oxy. Of course, he says it's for pain.
Since he stopped cocaine, he had never disappeared the whole night again. He had tried to keep in touch with me when he is out and called me back when I called him. I go into panic mode when I can't find him or reach him on the phone. That bothers him because he said I should have trusted him by now.
So now I'm not sure if his disappearance is related to drugs, OW, or just because he gets a kick of out hurting me.
Me 44; H 48 no kids together; H has D24, D19 M 14; T 18 DB 12/21/14 living together (for now)
So he called this morning and said he left his phone in the car the whole night and it went dead. I can't tell if he was doing it on purpose but I think I need to talk to him about setting limits and boundaries. I am not sure what to say, though
Me 44; H 48 no kids together; H has D24, D19 M 14; T 18 DB 12/21/14 living together (for now)
