Where do I go from here?

[Sadie13]

I am sort of new, too, but I just wanted to say something so you know you are not alone here...

I think you may just want to think of your course of action right now as being "receptive." It's what I've been doing, and it helps. You probably don't want to come across as cold or aloof, because it is hard to connect with someone who is like that. If you are detaching and protecting yourself, then that's fine of course! But if you want to encourage connection, it might be best to not initiate, only receive. My situation is very different from yours, but for example, I have been stopping myself from touching my H all the time - but when he reaches out and touches me I smile at him gently. Or, I have been refraining from sharing interesting things I read about during the day, something I always used to do - but if he wants to talk sports news to me, I stop what I'm doing and pay attention to him.

If she asks what you have been doing, then give a short but positive answer. I am not sure you can skip the "buddies" part...maybe someone more experienced can answer that...but I think maybe being a (detached) friend for now is not a bad thing. You just have to be careful not to step too far into "supportive spouse" territory.