The dad who just found out about his wife is supposedly going to call me for support tonight after the kids go to bed. If anyone has any suggestions for helpful things to say this soon after BD I'm open to suggestion. At the moment my plan is to listen and validate. I feel badly for the poor guy. (Also slightly worried... he's a very good guy but the last time I tried to comfort a chumped husband was Captain Grabby Hands... so we're going to keep this one a little further away).
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Craziness in my town tonight. Two kids shot at the high school my daughter walks through to get to school and a homicide at the college three blocks down the street from my house. Feeling vulnerable.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Maybell- Saw this on the news this morning. That would be very unsettling. Hope things are going well today for you and the kids, and that with the morning, you feel a little less vulnerable.
They closed the middle school today too, which I'm very grateful for since D11 was able to come to work with me today. STBX did text to see if we were ok, so I guess he's not a completely lost cause. Not that he cares that we've been without hot water for three days now...
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I think I'm cracking. This has been a rough week. Gunfire in my own neighborhood and knowing stbx cares enough to text but not to call, worrying the perpetrators could be hiding in the buildings on my property... Explaining the violence to my kids and telling them they're safe when I don't know that they are and I feel so vulnerable. House issues. Eye infection. Behind on school & Scouts. I feel like Job. I need a vacation.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I'm tired of being nice about him leaving. Tired of being resigned. Tired of filling gaps he has a responsibility to fill. Tired of being the only grown up. Tired of being the one who steps up and does what he's unwilling to do. I want to scream and cry and stomp and throw things. How dare he walk out like this is a high school break up? How dare he not care about the damage he's done for reasons I can't even fathom. How dare he be so selfish and childish? How dare he be so f-ing fragile!!! I don't get the luxury of fragility. How dare he walk away like that??? How dare he be so devoted to his need for cheap sex that he puts his family in this situation.
I am tired of this cr@p.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
While I appreciate that I contributed to problems in my marriage, I did not cheat, lie and run away. But I don't get the luxury of a natural, human reaction to this deep fundamental betrayal of what I held most dear. Instead, I have to be the grown up and somehow turn this sow's ear into a silk purse for my kids.
STBX thinks he's being a great guy by "not fighting" over anything, but at the end of the day I am left as the caretaker for the vast majority of what is left of our life together while he runs away, self medicates with a new relationship and tries to make everything seem ok with a cheap veneer of civility.
I know eventually I will be in a better place than him, but it's cold comfort some days.
Phew! That felt good. Very cathartic! Much like you, I feel ready for a little vacation. STBX will have girls for a few extra days during spring break, I will have to do something then. T minus 54 days and counting!
What a scary situation for you and your kids. And that perhaps intensifies all the other feelings. (I know my anger pops up when my D is sick, for example. Like, I did not sign up to do this alone! And even though I was so unhappy for a long time, I didn't just walk out on my spouse and child! It's maddening, I get it.
