Is it really to late? Who knows....

[mahhhty]

Mostly the fact that he has been opening up to me about his life overseas and how feels about wanting to go back. He hadn't shared much of that with me the whole 6 years he was there. Sharing his feelings a little more. Also, sharing his excitement about his project. Asking me to watch movies and tv. We just started watching the final season of Justified together and he's waiting for me to catch up with another series so we can watch the new season.

I think these are all positives. Any step in the right direction is just that... a step in the right direction. I think you need to build on those.

I also agree with your sister. IMHO... You need to accept that both the best and worse case scenarios are possible. He could be meeting his friend, or he could be meeting OW. Both are possible. But that doesn't mean you should be looking for ways to validate him meeting the OW and not the friend.

As for him wanting to go back. I read somewhere how most M and W are wired. M seek independence. Think Marlboro Man. They want experiences and are looking to prove themselves out in the world. W seek intimacy. Closeness. Partnership.

I think I suffer from this as well. When I was kayaking a lot. It was always about the next trip. Where am I going, what am I doing. It wasn't that I didn't love my W or kids. It was a predisposition of mine. I talked to the IC once about a professional kayaker. The Pro identified his life priorities as: #1 = Wife, #2 = Kids, #3 = Fun, #4 = his business. I told my IC that I wanted those kind of priorities and I want my STBX to have similar priorities, where I am ahead of the kids. He said thats idealistic. As a man, I can't nearly comprehend a W's connection to her children, that are made within her. Her connection to them is a predisposition of her, and probably not a reflection of how much she loves or doesn't love me.

I think a 180 for you could be to try to understand and validate his predisposition to those urges. I think he expected you to act that way (that is how I came to expect my W to act), and by acting that way you validated the expectation. Next time he may not bring that kind of deep feeling to you. Remember his statement doesn't mean he doesn't care for or love his family, it is just how he feels.

That piece really spoke to me, as someone who has felt that way, I spent a lot of time on that, I hope it has some value to you.

One foot in front of the other!