Wife walked away (7 months ago now) thread 4

[BigMac]

Looks like I'm on my 4th thread now

1st Thread - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2465749&page=1

I was devastated, lost, and doing all the wrong things. Still painfully attached.

2nd Thread - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...578#Post2470578

Continuing to Detach. Confronting my WAW about the OM and getting confirmation of the Affair. Getting served by her, Moving to a new state

3rd Thread - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2516129&page=1

Getting my a new place, finding myself, detaching, getting the court case moved to Tx, me serving her, WAW runs out of money "Has feelings for me", me standing my ground.

And now, today we have a proposed settlement that is agreeable to both of us. It is getting drawn up by the lawyers hopefully to get all signed and submitted next week. My legal marriage is almost over, but my life is not.

[BigMac]

Sandi2: in the last thread you mentioned that my WAW (STBX) wanting to be friends may have an emotional toll.

You are completely right. I want to be friendly, but I find that when we are too nice to each other, hang out too much that I feel the draw, the emotional connection.

Frankly it hurts. I told her a week or so ago that I wanted to keep space between us. That I needed boundaries so I can move on, and that is what I want.

[BigMac]

Journaling

As the end of my marriage comes close, the feelings that I had processed through earlier in my GAL activities are rushing to the forefront again.

The grief, the sadness, the sense of loss. The mourning of the loss of my relationship. The hopes and dreams that I had for years.

I guess this is normal. I hope this is, and I know it will pass. Or at least I hope it will.

[SunnyB]

The grief, the sadness, the sense of loss. The mourning of the loss of my relationship. The hopes and dreams that I had for years.

I guess this is normal. I hope this is, and I know it will pass. Or at least I hope it will.

BigMac, of course it's normal. You've lost something that meant a great deal to you. It will pass, eventually. I think sometimes we are in such a hurry to feel better that we want to rush the grieving process. It takes a while. Hugs to you today.

[BigMac]

Thanks. I'm busy going through the ups and downs and playing the waiting game of paperwork.

BTW, if it was as hard to get married as it is to get divorced, I think the world would be a better place.

[Mozza]

Hey Big Mac, care to update us? I hope you're well.

[BigMac]

Update for everyone

Dec 8 my STBX and I worked out what we wanted for terms of our divorce. Roughly around that time my lawyer became super unavailable, it took until early January for her to finally get back to me with a completed final decree of divorce that was reasonably accurate (it amazes me how lawyers can get so much wrong even when you give them clear directions).

It took me a week or so to get the courage up to give it a final review. I was a afraid of the emotions that would sweep over me. When I finally built up the courage to review it, it was just all business.

I finished my review, and sent it off to my STBX and her lawyer. It took some time for her to do a cursory review, and then a week or so later she did a full review.

At this point, we are both waiting on her lawyer to review, and approve. (At least that is what she says)

The next step will be her and her lawyer signing the decree, and then I have to go to the court house and answer 5 questions on the record. At that point the judge says that my STBX and I are divorced verbally in court. Once the judge states it, we are divorced.

Other things that have happened - My D16 (step daughter) is being shipped back to live with her grandparents, the STBX is having problems keeping her in school. This is yet another casualty of the demise of our marriage.

I used to get all torn up about it, but now I just accept that it is out of my control. It's a tragedy, but I tried my best. There is literally nothing else I can do. It [censored] that this little girl, who I raised since she was 1 1/2 is now is dropping out of school. Her life has gone from decent, to utter crap.

D9 is existing, he has some emotional ups and downs but seems to be handling things as best he can.

STBX and I have our weekly co-parenting meetings. We go over our co-parenting meeting checklist, and do our best to ensure that D9 is properly raised. We have been trading days watching him as necessary (we are 50/50 custody). Sometimes I feel frustrated / resentful of her still, but for the most part we just work to ensure D9 has the best life that he can in this F'd up world that we've created for him.

On her end, from what I hear her relationship with the OM has been deteriorating. She's talking crap about him to friends, and dating other men to make him jealous.

I'm doing my best to stay out of the craziness, and focus on moving on with my life. It's hard sometimes, but that's just what you have to do.

[Ontheup]

Hey BigMac

Sorry to hear about your situation especially as it effects the kids so much. That's sh!t. Like you say, its out of your control. I have to accept my situation is also out of my control. Hard as my pride and ego get in the way. Mr Bond has been schooling me to drop them. I've got all this to come somewhere down the line. Not nice but I have to remember this was not my choice.
Interesting about your wife and OM failing. Why do they never see this? Quick google on "affairs lasting" tells you the odds are highly stacked against success. hey ho. what can you do. Take care of yourself and your kids, everything happens for a reason.

[sandi2]

It's good to hear from you, Big Mac. So sorry about the SD16. I know that must be tough. I hope her grandparents can help her.

[BigMac]

Re: kids -
They are the ones that really pay the price in failed marriages. I can go on with life jaded, but they are basically scarred for life. SD16 stopped going to school, hopefully being at her grandparents will give her the stability she needs, but now she is going to spend the last 1.5 years of high school still far from her friends growing up, in a ghetto school, being a burden on her grandparents.

S9 is younger, and therefore more "resilient" but still he hurts. He bounces between homes week on week off. He will have to see both of us dating other people eventually (thankfully STBX didn't intro the OM before it blew up).

Re: OM -
I don't have as much information about this (I do my best to stay as detached as possible).

There is a pattern, where when they are broken up (or I infer they are) she basically contacts me lots more. When she is getting validation from him she couldn't give me the light of day.

What I know (I was actually told this by a mutual friend today) Is that apparently they are on the outs (I had figured as much, since she was reaching out to me via txt on random stuff). She is talking crap about him now (interestingly, in my reading about Narcissistic women, they go through an adoration, and then devaluation phases).

She went on a date with some "douchebag salesperson" I was told to make the OM jealous.

So, she's playing games with the OM, living in her Drama Triangle. Lost her daughter, and is about to get a massive check from me (just over 1/2 my assets). I'm sure she'll try to buy his love again.. but you can't fix crazy.

I'm washing my hands of this crap. I can't speak for everyone's WAW, but life is better for me just moving on.