Moving On - LisaB

[Mozza]

Thanks a lot for starting a new thread. I wasn't sure where we could go and ask you for an update if you didn't.

I have had to contend with a lot of jealousy since he is galavanting around town with OWs who are significantly younger and more beautiful than I am. That has been very hard for me.

You know I share your pain... I just don't know what to say. I don't really know how to get over it, except by not thinking about it. Oh, something else: it's probably not as great as it looks from the outside, as his behavior suggests. It's silly, but it helps me to think so.

About your beauty. A friend of mine recently told me about a man on whom she had a crush. She described him to me and showed me pictures. He's perfectly fine, but not a hunk. Yet, she took the initiative and went talking to him and it worked out. It made me realize that this guy might have been looking at himself in the mirror and thinking "I'm not the most beautiful man in the world, I'm too this, too that..." Yet, when my friend saw him, she was immediately attracted. It made me realize that I shouldn't be concerned too much about my looks beyond taking care of myself. I will attract someone who will say: "Hm, this one looks just my type." See what I mean?

In the past the only thing that has really helped me forget a previous partner was to meet a new love, a new crush. Someone new to forget the old.

I have lost track: are you seeing an IC? Because this is the kind of thing that mine is discussing with me. To him, this behavior a sign of my lack of self-confidence that is compensated by external validation. I was still a bit surprised yesterday when he was happy that I had given my phone number to a girl! Perhaps that a therapy would help you understand where it comes from?

Also, it's only been eight months. Think of later in life when you'll look back at this episode, regardless of the outcome. I fully expect to say "I was down for a year after she left me" and it won't sound that long. So 8 months is still very much in the stormy period. Be patient with yourself. Accept these emotions as a normal transition period.